Dennys Menu sounds sexy

Denny’s menus are getting closer and closer to a laundry list of sexual euphemisms rather than a selection of meal choices.

Here’s the top 5 menu items at Denny’s that sound more like a dirty romp in the sack than a late night bite to eat:

5. Lumberjack Slam

Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, plus you have to sleep with a woman that looks like John Goodman in a flannel shirt.

4. All-American Slam

Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, with your choice of wearing a crotchless red, white, and blue Evel Knievel jumpsuit or an Uncle Sam top hat while you have sex in front of the TV while watching Rocky IV.

3. Meat Lover’s Scramble

Two horny guys scrambled with six even hornier guys and topped with a case of cheap, pink champagne. Served in the locked bathroom of a dark club where the bartender only wears black leather briefs, cowboy boots, and a tattoo of a nude Hugh Jackman on his chest. With your choice of fluffy pancakes or bottomless hashbrowns.

2. French Toast Slam

It’s French Toast that’s so good you don’t eat it, you f*** it. Yet it somehow still gives you diarrhea.

1. Moons Over My Hammy

I’ll let you figure this one out on your own.

This list by Mike Burns.