Sunday, March 30, 2008

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Barack answering the phone at 3am. Really.

I like Barack. I disagree with him politically, but I believe he's a good man. Behold! The ramifications of being in front of a camera your every waking moment. It's probably early. He's tired from relentless campaigning. He's stressed. He's burning the candle at both ends. Yeah. That's gotta be it. But wait. Look closer. Is he the guy you want answering the phone at 3am? Look at the clock.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

OK. Hillary was under fire.

What your first name conveys to others

According to new research, men and women make extensive assumptions about someone's lifestyle and character based simply on their Christian name.

Those called Ryan and Sophie are considered particularly attractive, James and Elizabeth are assumed to be successful, and Jack and Lucy are thought to be lucky.

The least attractive are George and Ann, the least successful are Brian and Lisa, and the unluckiest are John and Helen.
Oh great. I'm Brian, your unsucessful blogger.

But the way names sound can also be important.

"Attractive female names tended to be soft-sounding and end with the 'ee' sound, whereas the sexiest male names are short and much harder sounding."

Kellie will be thrilled at this news.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

This is a great Political Ad.

My Sexual Attraction Code.

This is what it's come to. This is my "Sexual Attraction Code." We all have one. But, what about everyone else on the net? How will you ever really know who you're dealing with. This is the solution. I'm "hanging it out there" for everyone to know once and for all - where I stand.

Click this and you're on your way.

MSNBC Officially Thinks Barack is Black on the Outside, White on the Inside

A screen grab from MSNBC's webcast of Barack Obama's much talked-about speech on race. The arrow pointing upwards really drives the point home.

Famous Amos was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The 2008 NCAA Tournament All Porno name team announced.

I'm happy present the 2008 NCAA Tournament All-Porno Name Team.

Third team:

G - Desire Gabou, Western Kentucky

G - LeKendric Longmire, Oregon

F - Luis Colon, Kansas State

F - Travis Lay, American

F - Lance Stemler, Indiana

Second team:

G - Dau Jok, Oklahoma

F - Taj Finger, Stanford

F - Gyno Pomare, San Diego

F - Surry Wood, UNC

C - Longar Longar, Oklahoma

And now for your starters:

G - Lee Cummard, BYU

G - Da'Veed Dildy, Stanford

G - Cam Long, George Mason

F - Wayne Chism, Tennessee

F - Alexis Wangmene, Texas

And your NCAA Tournament All-Porno Name Team head coach:

Ken Bone, Portland State

Monday, March 17, 2008

Google Naps

I love naps. I wanna work at Google. Here's how they nap at work. This is at the Google Headquarters in Mountainview California. This is a "nap pod" that blocks out light & noise, making for a restful nap. Why can't we all nap at work? How come my company doesn't have these available when I'm sleepy? I wanna be that guy. I wanna work at Google. Why must Google be the best at everything? This takes it all. I'm speechless. All I get is a chair and a desk. I have no place to lay my head, when means I must stay awake continually when I'm at work. I wanna work at Google.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Mind if I Fart?

For those who pass gas:

In 880 pages of her modern journal of social decorum, Emily Post wouldn't breathe of the fart's existence. Too bad. It would have been an easy enough task for her to offer some rules for flatulence; simply by taking a cue from Steve ("Mind if I smoke? No, mind if I fart?") Martin, and substituting fart for smoke (or cigarette) in Chapter 64 of Etiquette. "For Those Who Smoke" then becomes a workable code of gastric behavior.

For example:
One may not fart in a church, or during any religious service or cerimonial proceedings.

One may not fart in a sickroom unless the patient himself is farting or unless he specifically says his visitor is welcome to fart.

Good taste still forbids farting by a woman on a city street. It should not be unnecessary to say that no one should think of farting or lighting a fart when dancing.

Farting is forbidden on local buses and on some coaches on the railroad. These cars are clearly marked "No Farting."

Farting is permitted in the mezzanine or loge seats in some movie houses, but never in the main orchestra.

Farting is forbidden in most museums, although some have designated areas where farting is allowed.

Legitimate theaters do not allow farting in the theater proper. It is usually allowed in the outer lobby, and those who wish to fart during the intermission go there to do so. It is perfectly correct for a man who wishes to fart to leave a lady who doesn't, but he should hurry back, and not leave her too frequently.

In private situations when there may be some objection, before lighting your fart, always ask, "Do you mind if I fart?" If there is any hesitation in the reply, do your best to refrain from farting until you leave.

A man should light a woman's fart if he is close to her, but not if he is the other side of the table or it it would be awkward in any way.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Women explained - v1.0

These are perfect for your next Powerpoint presentation.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

My Mother died

This is my Mother, Jo Kathryn. She died March 1st. It's difficult even typing that. We all love our Mothers - and I'm no different. I got to see her just hours before her death. She is responsible for many idiosyncrasies in my personality. I'll see her again soon - and as Forrest Gump would say, "And that's all I have to say about that."

By the way - I couldn't get her to watch Forrest Gump. It was a little joke between us. She didn't like all the hype. I even bought her the movie, she still refused to watch it.

So long for now - Mama.