Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Hillary Clinton Bathing Suit Photo.

Not that I'm doing a "Theme blog" where all the posts connect somehow - but another development on the bizarre "Googles" that bring people to this blog.

Recently I noticed I get traffic from people searching for "Hillary Clinton bathing Suit Photos."

Hillary Clinton? Spare me. Hillary? Good Lord man, of all the people I wanna see in a bathing suit, Hillary's gotta be last on the list. Hell, people would rather see ME in a bathing suit that Hillary.

The panties posts are still my top posts. This post is simply to satisfy the craving for this apparently elusive pic. Here it is.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Panties, Panties, Panties.

Less than 2 weeks ago I posted on this blog, my opinions about Katharine McPhee appearing in a record company ad - exposing what appeared to be her panties. Scroll down if you haven't read that post. I had never posted anything about panties before - (OK, I probably did - but I forget) - but what an interesting lesson I've learned.

This blog, as most others, is embedded with tracking software. I can see your IP address, what you look at, where you live, and what you searched for. This isn't "news" - certainly you knew everything we do here is traceable. What IS news is the traffic a "Panties post" generates.

Geez, there are perverted people on line. I could post what some of you are searching for, but it wouldn't be appropriate here. I am amazed at the "Panties hits" and the worlds apparent fascination with them. OK, I'm not amazed, but I'm shocked you're searching BLOGS for panties.

There are most certainly hundreds of sites devoted to panties and your quest for them - here, all you got was someone shocked at a talented girl exposing hers. I expect THIS post to generate even more traffic because of the title of the post. I'll get back to you on this societal development.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

The WWW is the Wild Wild West

This is from

15 Seconds If you had 15 seconds to tell the world whatever you want to, what would you say? Well, now's your chance to be seen and heard on national television, courtesy of CBS Interactive. Post your 15-second video on YouTube, and CBS Interactive will select one to be broadcast on TV. The winning entry will air on CBS on Super Bowl Sunday. Every two weeks, CBS Interactive will select five videos from the "15 Seconds on CBS YouTube" group and post them on

Click over to Youtube and see some of the entries. There are hundreds.

Over the last 18 months there has been a dramatic shift in how the networks deal with Youtube. Their initial reaction was: REMOVE THOSE VIDEOS! THIS IS COPYRIGHT CONTENT! Youtube then removed them - and soon thereafter they were re-posted with different titles. This cat & mouse game went on for months. CBS, FOX & ABC these days embraces the technology and actually PROVIDES video to the site. I imagine a whole new office has opened at these networks, full of people that do nothing all day but monitor & upload video to the site. Why not? It appears NBC is slagging behind here. They appear to want to have their content exclusive to That doesn't mean NBC content isn't on the site, it is - but NBC still has videos yanked.

Youtube and the like is the future. The Internet is the WILD WILD WEST - the Genie is out of the bottle and won't go back in, Pandoras box is wide open.

It's time all media embrace the Internet. Copyrights? Spare me. ASCAP, BMI? Gimme a break. Software, music, photography, movies and now television are now - and always be free on the Internet. There's no going backwards. If you're willing to search, EVERYTHING is online - and it's all gratis.

This is how I'd spend my 15 seconds in CBS' contest. That last paragraph verbatim.

Monday, January 22, 2007

I prefer bad breath to Hillary Clinton.

This post won't generate much traffic. Frankly, I'm posting this just for me. Sometimes it feels good just to get your feelings out. This blog acts as therapy - and at bargain basement prices.

I can't stand Hillary Clinton. I resist saying hate, but my feelings are just short of hate. To hate her, I'd need to meet her in person. Then, I'm sure I would hate her. But, suffice it for now, I dis-like her very much. Other things I abhor come to mind. (Did I say abhor?) I don't like brussel sprouts, crying babies & rap music. I'm not fond of flat tires, skipping CD's & stains on the carpet. I can't stand the smell of women getting a perm, playing soccer, bad breath & pens that explode ink inside my shirt pocket - yet I prefer all these things to Hillary Clinton.

Why do I dislike this woman so much? I thought she held up well during Bills shenanigans, so what could it be? I know what it is plain & simple. She thinks she's smarter than me. She thinks she's smarter than anyone in the room. The "vibe" she gives off - comes from way over my head, and she feels the need to talk down to me. She is the polar opposite of Bill (I wasn't crazy about him either) - but he connected to people in a way she never will. I ask myself if she has a chance receiving votes from "regular people." These are the voters in the "fly over" states - the red states in between New York & California (The whole country) I see Homer, Ed & Jimmy sitting at a coffee shop in Springfield Missouri drinking coffee. Hillary sees herself as intellectually superior to these people. She may be, but has to be able to relate to them. Bill could - Hillary can't.

So Hillary is the front runner. According to whom? Average Americans? She is incapable of relating with an Average American. She relates to her own kind - loudmouth, activist, know-it-all, I know better than you, let me show you the way liberals - and there aren't enough of them to ever put her in the White House.

There. Done. That felt good.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Obama SMOKES!!!!!!

John Gibson, Fox News Channel:

"Sure he's young, sure he's charismatic, but what do we really know about Barack Obama? And what does he really stand for? Obama is the kind of presidential hopeful who appeals to the masses. He portrays himself as a political moderate, but he's much more liberal than he says he is. And his team works overtime trying to hide Obama's dirty little secret. He is -- get this -- a cigarette smoker. The point is: What else do we not know about Barack Obama? America seems to love him now, but will we still love him tomorrow?

I love Fox News. I love the graphic they ran.


Spanish American War Refund

The IRS is set to return money collected via Americans' phone bills to pay for the Spanish-American War,

Bizarre though it may be, we've all been socked on our phone bills with an excise tax that went into effect long ago to pay for the Spanish-American War.

A Federal Excise Tax is still there. You'll find it listed on your bill, too.

If your monthly bill amounts to around $100, at the current 3% rate for the tax (which has been as high as 25% in past years), you'll be paying $3 per month for this tax, or $36 per year. Heavy phone users might pay $100 or more per year. All to pay for the Spanish-American War.

Fortunately, once this tax started getting some press, no one could really defend it.

The tax has indeed finally come to an end, and we're even being offered refunds.

The money is out there for you -- you just have to jump through a few hoops to get it.

Here are a few things to know, courtesy from the Internal Revenue Service:

* You are to claim the refund on the 2006 tax form that you file in 2007.

* You can opt for a standard refund of $30 (if you have one exemption), $40 (if you have two), $50 (if you have three) or $60 (if you have more). This option requires no documentation from you.

* If you have (or want to go through the trouble of procuring) your telephone bill statements from March 2003 to July 2006, you can get a refund based on amounts you were actually charged. In most cases, this can amount to a lot more than the standard refund -- perhaps as much as $100 to $300 for many of us. You'll need to fill out IRS Form 8913 for this.

You didn't this was going to be super easy did you?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Fox under fire for broadcast

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for anyone who can manage to squeeze the word "Fuck" into a national telecast. It's not often that a crowd shot overshadows a playoff game, but this screen shot from the Eagles/Saints game this past weekend has been stuck in my head.

This gal made the broadcast for all of 7 seconds. (Maybe the TV camera monitor was fogged up - of the Director was stoned.) This gal makes news two times today. First, Maxim magazine wants to know who she is. They want to do a photo shoot with her. If you recognize her, contact Maxim. And, (drum roll) - The director of the Parents Television Council is telling its members to complain to the Federal Communications Commission.

The director of the activist group says, "There is no doubt that this was an intentional airing of patently offensive language on the public airwaves."

I wore the exact same shirt on the air this morning - and didn't get one complaint.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Hold your wee for a Wii.

This was a radio promotion at a station in Sacramento. Contestants drank water and he who held it the longest without going to the restroom - won the Nintendo Wii. Seems simple. Radio stations conduct contests like this every day. This contest killed a woman. A 28 year old mother, trying to win the game system for her kids, overdosed on water (water intoxication) - and died.

The first thing I asked myself was, could I ever have been dumb enough to conduct this contest? Even with hindsight - (and it's 20/20 and all) - I would have never ever been a part of a contest like this. With any thought at all - an educated person would conclude this contest was "risky" at best. The radio hosts and the management should have thought it through. Certainly they would have discovered the risk. Hell, a simple phone call to a family doctor would've alerted them to the possibility of disaster. They apparently didn't make the call. The contest went on - and the lady died.

Now, the fallout. The radio stations company, Entercom, is trying to "distance" themselves from the whole thing. Entercom has "suspended" the morning show - whom they apparently blame for the incident. Undoubtedly, they'll claim the whole thing was the idea and creation of the morning show - and they had nothing to do with it. This of course, to cover their asses in the sure to follow - lawsuit.

This is as wrong as wrong can be. Entercom brass in Sacramento knew completely what their morning show was doing. It's on the air!!!!! This promotion might not have been sent to the company lawyers, but certainly the station PD & GM knew what was going on. What happened was preventable - Entercom didn't prevent it - and they'll have to pay. Legally, this is open & shut. I feel badly for the family of the dead contestant - but I also feel badly for the stupid on air people - who've been abandoned by their company. They were no doubt dumb, but in this case this was a collaboration in "group stupidity".

Monday, January 15, 2007

I have a Yard-O-Beef.

Christmas was over 3 weeks ago, and I'm barely three inches in - on my Yard-O-Beef. This is a indication of one of two things. Either, I have become the most completely hard to buy for person ever - OR, my family doesn't give a rats ass about my Christmas present. Imagine my glee, as I tore the paper off the cylindrical gift. I thought for a moment I was going to unwrap a sex toy.

Three pounds of summer sausage goodness, compliments of Hillshire Farms and their exclusive Yard-O-Beef distributor, Sams Club. Research has proven to Hillshire Farms that if you're gonna attempt to sell the worlds largest chunk of processed meat - Sams Club is the place to do it. Sams customers are already accustomed to Wheel-O-Cheese & Barrel-O-Nuts.

I'll eat this thing at a rate of about an inch a week. I expect to take a full 36 weeks. That's 8 months. To make it to next Christmas they need a "Five Feet-O-Beef." That's what I want next year.

Saints can't beat Little Sisters of the Poor.

Bears & Saints for the NFC title Sunday. Vegas says Bears by 3. I'm a "Johnny come lately - only watch the playoffs" football fan - so I offer no insight really - except to explain a little of what the New Orleans Saints are all about. I lived in New Orleans during the Bum Phillips /Kenny Stabler years and for a while under Jim Mora. The dome was always sold out. New Orleanians support the Saints no matter what the record is. Remember the bags on the heads? They were worn by paying fans in seats at the games. In New Orleans they celebrate the team despite the win - loss record. In the years the team was lackluster - fans celebrated their "badness." In better years, fans celebrated the "possibility" of greatness. Make no mistake, the Saints are the Chicago Cubs of pro football. The Bears have a rich tradition of greatness. The Saints have a rich tradition of ineptitude. There was even a joke - book. "The Saints couldn't even beat the Little Sisters of the Poor." (Pictured)

To Bears fans Sundays match up is a game. To Saints fans this is a dream. If it's in the cards for the Saints to lose, at least let the game be close - so these rabid - loyal South Louisiana fans can hold onto the dream as long as possible. Listen to me - their dream has been realized already, my God they're gonna party Sunday - no matter what the score.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Katharine McPhee in panties

This is charming. This is the new ad for Katharine McPhee's single "Over It". Observe the red dress that's split open revealing her red panties. Maybe a great ad for lingerie, but for a record? Isn't she a great singer? I guess not, she has to show us her panties so we'll buy her music.

American Idol has a wholesome image. It's part of the ratings success. Make no mistake, much of the now estimated $2.5 Billion American Idol street value - can be attributed to sheer wholesomeness. When contestants "go too far" with their dress on the show - they are immediately "corrected" by Simon. Remember Christina Aguliera early on? Her shelf life was limited as a pop-slut - she cleaned up and is still white hot. How about Gwen Stefani? Same thing. She began wearing clothes again - and her career continues. Britney, on the other hand, didn't get the memo - and is tanking.

Katharine McPhee began her "career" as a wholesome pop princess. Immediately her record company offers bad advice. Sure, Katharine in panties may sell a few more CD's - but in time this image will haunt her. She'd have been better off to insist on letting her dress drape naturally - and "cover the goods."

This transparent record company schnizz - has been going on for decades. The artists that had staying power put their clothes back on right away. I never again saw a Carly Simon nipple - after the No Secrets album cover.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

I'm gonna take the dog pills.

New data suggests that 30% of American DOGS are overweight. O.K. I "buy" those numbers. 30% sounds reasonable. I've seen the "diet" dog food on sale at the store. I didn't buy it - I have a cat - a really fat cat. I might have bought diet cat food had I seen it - I simply didn't - my cat seems happy the way she is - bloated and looking like Gil Gerrard.

Point it: Pfizer has just been blessed by the FDA for SLENTROL. This is a fat dog pill. SLENTROL will apparently help Bowser absorb fat and reduce his appetite. Bowser in turn, will watch with amazement as the fat just "falls off."

Look the the television ads for SLENTROL to commence any day. They'll look like all the drug ads, but these will end differently.

"Have your dog ask it's Veterinarian if SLENTROL is right for him."

or- "Ask your dogs Veterinarian if SLENTROL is right for your non speaking dog." or- Being that you're fatter than your dog, "Ask your dogs veterinarian, if you might be able to benefit from SLENTROL." or- Ask your Veterinarian AND your Doctor who & what might be able to take this dog pill SLENTROL." or- Ask your fat Doctor "If he'd take it."

I'm giving it to my cat and I'm not asking anyone. Then, I'll pop a couple. What the hell?

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Final: Geraldo 100 / Olbermann 0

So here's one I missed over the holidays -- Geraldo Rivera in Orlando threatening to beat up Keith Olbermann.

Geraldo was visiting with an Orlando morning radio show just before Christmas, when they asked him about the time he made international headlines for disclosing information about troops in Iraq. Geraldo says the incident was blown out of proportion, largely Olbermann. Geraldo then began mumbling semi-audible names, seemingly meant to describe Olbermann: "midget ... punk ... slimeball."

Then, with prodding, Geraldo went further, leaving no doubt about what he was saying. He called Olbermann a coward -- specifically a "pussy" who wouldn't walk across the street against the red light."

He then said he was ready to fight him, saying: "I would make a pizza out of him."

Before leaving the topic, Geraldo offered an example of a TV talker who's a "real man" ... Montel Williams.

Geraldo has his "moments" - but I like him (as the song goes) - "More Today than Yesterday."

Shirtless Obama

Here ya go. Barack at the beach. This appears in the new People magazine - the one with Oprah on the cover. A quote from the dude that works out next to Obama in Chicago and followed him into the locker-room dated January 2006: "He doesn't have enough fat on his body to make a butter pat." It would appear that 2006 was a good year for Obama - evidenced by the 1000 "butter pats" he has now. Barack insists he's "embarased by the pictures." Why? He looks healthy to me. The embarasment will come later - after years in public office. When, after years and years of the public "high life" he'll begin to sag. The man most think looks "Statesman-like" , will droop, wiggle & waddle.

Much like my friend Senator Ted Kennedy.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

How to exit a Limousine

Pop star CHRISTINA AGUILERA gets a lot of crap—some of it, deservedly so. But unlike certain celebs we could name, at least Christina knows how to exit a limousine wearing a short skirt. And unless you want to be on every website in the world, you would be wise to follow “Christina’s Step-by-Step Method of Keeping that Vagina Covered.” Observe…

STEP ONE: Realize There’s a Problem. In this case, Christina quickly identifies the 37 paparazzi standing outside her car door, pointing long lens cameras directly at her.

STEP TWO: Secure the Load. As you can see, Christina deftly reaches back with her left hand to secure her skirt in place as she slides across the car seat. Neglecting to do so will almost assuredly “hike” the skirt, leaving one’s vagina precariously exposed to the elements. HOWEVER! Also note how she discreetly twists her right toe inwards. This is clearly a set up for…

STEP THREE: The Dismount. Right toe turned in, Christina then SWIVELS HER LEFT KNEE TO THE RIGHT, cutting off any possible visual route to her vagina. Meanwhile, her left hand steadies her exit, while her right slides her skirt back into its correct position.
BEAUTIFULLY DONE, CHRISTINA. I score that one a 9.7.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

And now, Bri Wisdom. First in a series.

* Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
* It's a small world so you have to use your elbows alot.
* If marriages were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
* Never kick a fresh cow pie on a hot day.
* Gargling twice a day is a good way to see if your throat leaks.
* Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
* Money does grow on trees. It's just that the banks own all the branches.
* Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
* If we weren't meant to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
* Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
* If your voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
* It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
* You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
* Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
* We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
* Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
* In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
* The quickest way to have a family reunion is to win the lottery.
* It is said that man's ability to reason is what separates him from mere animals. Then again,
the animal kingdom has no equivalent to "championship wrestling."
* Ladies, if you're looking for the perfect date, think Mr. Potato Head. He's tan, he's cute and if
he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.
* If you're looking for the perfect dog, get a lab/pit bull mix. Sure, he might bite off your leg,
but he'll bring it back to you.
* Love is never having to say you're sorry. Marriage is never having a chance to say anything.
* Babies are nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at two o'clock in the
* The minute you find a way to make something idiot-proof, someone will go and make a
better idiot.
* A transvestite is a guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
* Adults are just kids who owe money.
* The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.
* Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
* There are three major parties in America today...Republican, Democratic and Tupperware.
* Show me a man who walks with his head held high, and I'll show you a man who hasn't
gotten used to his bifocals.
* If walking is so good for you, why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut?
* You know you're in trouble when you tell your doctor your symptoms and he starts backing
* Growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
* If all the smokers were laid down end to end around the world...three quarters of them
would drown.
* Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turnout okay.
* Give a man twenty dollars and he eats for a day. Teach a man how to make a twenty dollar
bill and he eats for three to five years, with time off for good behavior.
* A straight line is the shortest distance between a baby and something breakable.
* Rehab is for quitters.
* Carpe diem...seize the day. Carp in denim...there's a fish in my pants.
* The easiest way to find something is to buy a replacement.
* There are two secrets of success. Number one, don't share all your secrets.
* It's amazing what you can do when your wife puts your mind to it.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Chinese Law of Abundance

I came upon the law of abundance over 10 years ago. The way it was explained to me was, this was a 2000 year old ancient Chinese tradition to guarantee prosperity in the new year - adapted to modern methodology.

We are to take a blank check. Date it with the current date. Make the check out to you - using your full legal name. Leave the amount box & the amount line blank.

On the memo line write, "paid in full." Sign the check, "Law of Abundance."

Accomplish this task before the first new moon in a new year. (This year it's January 19th) Then, keep the check in your purse of wallet at all times. This check will then bring you prosperity.

I have followed this procedure for 10 years now, and instructed my listeners to do the same. Each year, I get calls from listeners who've come into money - and insist it was the check they'd written that brought about the good fortune.

I've had calls from people inheriting money from people they didn't even know. I've had the lottery winners and the gambling winners. Literally thousands of my listeners do this quirky thing each year.

Now, news from experts that we may be doing it wrong. Thinking now is, we shouldn't date the check at all - (why limit your abundance to a single day?) AND: Instead of completing the check before the first new moon, we should complete it within 24 hours of the new moon. (That means January, 18, 19 or 20.) PLUS: You don't necessarily have to keep the check with you - but simply keep it in a safe place.

I'm not sure which way to go here. I'll fill out two checks.