Monday, July 28, 2008

Do I have a combover? You're always the last to know.


Associated Press writers (Robert Burns and Robert H. Reid) ran a Saturday story from Baghdad, "Analysis: US now winning Iraq war that seemed lost."

'Newspapers of record' tended to ignore the story while AP subscribers tweaked the title:

The New London (CT) Day -- "Are we winning the unwinnable war?"

Arizona (Tucson) Daily Star -- "Focus shifts away from combat"

Salt Lake City Deseret News -- "Is U.S. now winning war in Iraq?"

Fort Worth Star Telegram -- "Iraq war's tide appears to have turned in favor of US"

Newsday (Long Island, NY) -- "Analysis: U.S. can shift from combat to peace in Iraq"

Only the the Christian Broadcasting Network gave it a more positive headline, "Analysis: US Now Winning Iraq War".

Sunday, July 27, 2008

The Pee on Obama Bumpersticker

A couple in Plantation Bend, Texas are not fans of Barack Obama… and they have a bumper sticker on their pickup to prove it. But when a 35-year-old woman spotted the sticker, which shows a boy peeing on the name ‘Obama’, she couldn’t help herself. She had to stop and say something, and that's when things got ugly.

The 35-year-old woman has been charged with making a terroristic threat after confronting the couple and telling them the sticker was racist. She also shouted a bunch of colorful four-letter words at the couple, and told them “Someone would take care of them later." The cops were called, and the woman got hauled off to county.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Ahhhh! Woman has GIANT HAND!


Apostrophe Belted Pant and Mesh Top

This is the perfect outfit for that semi-casual event where you want to show off your giant hand. The 3/4 sleeve top fits well over giant hands and features a crochet neck line. This top will really make your giant hand stand out from the crowd. Cotton blend. Machine washable. Imported. Giant hand an obvious Photoshop mistake.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Intercom fun with a professional announcer.

Wal-Mart stores can be so big and the workers seem so bored and the customers seem so harried and annoying. It seems like the perfect fertile ground to have a little fun at their expense. Sometimes I jump on the intercom and say something. I've done this numerous times. Often people recognize my voice. But how does one get access?

I have the answer. You can use the intercom from any one of the many telephones Wal-Mart provides around the sales floor. Even better, I know the code! Here is how you use the intercom at Wal-Mart:

• Pick up the phone• Dial #96

You're now on the store intercom!

The proper way to use the store intercom, I mean, apart from the fact it is only supposed to be used by Wal-Mart employees, is to simply have fun & be yourself. Keep your announcement clean and brief. Think it through. Never yell fire. You'll go to jail. But announce, "The mens room smells bad. Repeating, the mens room smells bad", will bring a smile to the face of each and everyone in the store.

Once I announced, "There are very few pants in here that fit me."

By the way, try to be as "Stealth" as possible. Real employees won't be amused.

Use this information wisely.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Eat this. New French Fry coated bacon on a stick.

There’s been a lot of bacon related products hitting the market lately. Now comes the French Fry Coated Bacon On A Stick. This new recipe isn’t trying to get all pretentious with bacon. It just adds french fries (held together with thick corndog batter) and a stick. Pretty simple, really.
Then skip a trip to see your doctor and go straight to the morgue.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Yes, your kid can climb inside a claw machine.

There's a difference between "Weed & Grass Killer" & "Weed Killer."

A golf club's fairways in the U.K. turned brown after the groundsman accidentally watered the course with industrial strength weedkiller.

The normally lush fairways have been scorched away after the groundsman sprayed them with a chemical usually used to destroy grass growing through pavements and roads.
A total of 11 holes have been ruined at Haywards Heath Golf Club in West Sussex, and will remain rusty brown for months to come.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Mitsubishi’s Electric Car Will Be Released in 2009 for $37,500

The iMiev, has been slated by Mitsubishi for commercial sale in Japan in 2009, a full year before the $40,000 Chevy Volt is intended to hit US shores.

The iMiev is based on a current Kei-car produced by Mistubishi for Japan, and has a 47kW electric motor powered by a 330-volt lithium ion battery pack. The car will have a top speed of 80 mph and an all electric range of about 100 miles. Charging will take place via a normal power outlet and should take about 14 hours to completely charge the battery, though there is all a 220V charge option, which only takes 7 hours.

On the other hand, the Volt will feature a sportier 120kW motor and 100+ mph top speed, but will only have an electric range of 20 or 40 miles (depending on the speculation and model selection), after which is will switch over to your standard dinosaur burning engine like in most cars these days. Chevy claims that most people never drive over 40 miles in a day, but I’m sure these Volts will be burning enough fossil fuels that calling them “electric cars” will leave a bitter taste in some peoples’ mouths. I think series hybrid or plug-in hybrid is much more appropriate.

While you’re getting hyped up for the iMiev, check out this test drive video from Popular Mechanics:

Unfortunate Incident.

In the News.....

Brian is appraised on Antiques Roadshow.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Bacon Doughnut! Finally.

A Bacon Maple Bar at Voodoo Doughnut in Portland, Oregon.

The Moment just before the pain begins

The 14 year old with more viewers than MSNBC

Fred is the hottest thing on the internet. No kidding. He has more viewers than most shows on cable. Anytime now, a broadcast executive is gonna snap this kid up. Fred is 14-year old Lucas Cruikshank - playing a six year old with "issues." I don't "get it" - but I don't think I'm supposed to. I'm outa his demo.

Monday, July 07, 2008

Billy Ray Cyrus is really Shemp.

OK. Finally side by side. BYC lost the mullett and adopted his new style from a most unlikely character.

Cindy Brady throws up at Radio Station. Ugggh.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Attempt to eat all 12 McDonalds Value Meals fails.

In February, Ryan Giesel, started a Facebook group called, “If 100,000 people join, I’ll eat every McDonald's value meal, #1-12.”

At the time, barely anyone had taken notice. The group, created in December of 2007, was languishing, with only a few thousand members. But when word spread on the Internet outside of Facebook, especially on blogs, more and more people started to join his group. A few weeks ago, his Facebook group finally hit 100,000 members.

True to his word, Ryan trudged to a nearby McDonald’s, and with his friends filming, he began slowly eating each value meal, one by one. On his Facebook page Ryan said, “I will consume every value meal from McDonald's, starting with the Big Mac all the way to the Filet-O-Fish. I cannot get up, it will all be done in one sitting. I will consume every piece of food.” So did he do it? No. Ryan hit his 10th meal and then quit. He never even made it to the Filet-o-Fish. Sadly, his night ended not in a moment of glory, but with intense vomiting in the parking lot.

Here's the video.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Man Arrested After Striking Mom In Head With Polish Sausage.

DeLAND, Fla. -- A 46-year-old man was arrested after he threw a Polish sausage at his mother, striking her in the head, police said.
Gregory Allan Praeger was charged with battery on Saturday after the incident at a Hunters Creek home, according to a DeLand police report.
Praeger's mother told police that her son was drinking and they got into an argument. She said Praeger picked up the sausage and threw it at her, grazing the back of her head, the police report said.
When police asked Praeger what happened, he asked officers if they wanted him to lie, the report said. He then admitted that he threw the sausage at his mother.