Saturday, June 28, 2008

Dennys Menu sounds sexy

Denny’s menus are getting closer and closer to a laundry list of sexual euphemisms rather than a selection of meal choices.

Here’s the top 5 menu items at Denny’s that sound more like a dirty romp in the sack than a late night bite to eat:

5. Lumberjack Slam

Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, plus you have to sleep with a woman that looks like John Goodman in a flannel shirt.

4. All-American Slam

Two buttermilk pancakes, a slice of grilled honey ham, two bacon strips, two sausage links and two eggs, with your choice of wearing a crotchless red, white, and blue Evel Knievel jumpsuit or an Uncle Sam top hat while you have sex in front of the TV while watching Rocky IV.

3. Meat Lover’s Scramble

Two horny guys scrambled with six even hornier guys and topped with a case of cheap, pink champagne. Served in the locked bathroom of a dark club where the bartender only wears black leather briefs, cowboy boots, and a tattoo of a nude Hugh Jackman on his chest. With your choice of fluffy pancakes or bottomless hashbrowns.

2. French Toast Slam

It’s French Toast that’s so good you don’t eat it, you f*** it. Yet it somehow still gives you diarrhea.

1. Moons Over My Hammy

I’ll let you figure this one out on your own.

This list by Mike Burns.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Wanna see pix of girls eating sandwiches?

Girls eating sandwiches. Click here.

60 pieces of bacon.

"Gimme a Whopper. And wouldya put say, 60 pieces of bacon on there?" "That's gonna cost ya extra." "That's OK man. I feel lucky." This really happened and here's proof.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Bucky Fuller. My next door neighbor 40 years ago.

This guy was my next door neighbor growing up in Carbondale Illinois. I met with him many times. I mowed his grass. I'll never forget. He didn't drive a Dymaxion car. He drove a Citroen.

The week of January 10, 1964, pictures of our house were printed in Time magazine (in the background.) That same week I met Walter Cronkite & Eric Sevaried in my front yard. They were there to interview Bucky for "The 20th Century." I met Walter again 30 years later, and he remembered the little boy in the yard next to Buckys house. Maybe it's because I asked him to autograph my parents Time magazine.

Poop Freeze

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Barack link that might make ya think.

I'm just so thrilled Hillary went doen in flames - I can't describe it. Barack. Politics aside, hard to not like him. He certainly has 500% more personality than McCain. I just got this link. Oooh.

Monday, June 16, 2008


It's time to review the official man's summer time ritual. Of course, this involves grilling food outdoors for a picnic at your place. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ, the following chain of events are put into motion:

The woman buys the food.

The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.

The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill... beer in hand.

Here comes the important part: The man places the meat on the grill.

The woman goes inside to organize the plates and silverware.

The woman comes out to tell the man the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she'll bring him another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again: The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.

The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins and sauces and brings them to the table.

After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." Upon seeing her annoyed reaction, he concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Picture of the future

This is a shot from the not so distant future. What the Hell is goin' on? Someone today told me they thought it "was the terrorists." Another speculated the gas price hike was because the "Middle East decided to stick it to us." I drive two vehicles that both make the Forbes list of least fuel efficient. I'm not concerned about myself really - it's this countries ability to cope. This seems the beginning of something I can't put my finger on. It's not recession. It's not depression. What will happen next? Bikes. That's it.

The old "bug in the mouth trick."

Bug in Mouth Brings Out the Street in Reporter - Watch more free videos

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Canned Bacon! At Last!!

Remember the canned Cheeseburgers??

Well, here comes CANNED BACON!!

It's canned 100% US bacon, cooked and ready to eat. Each can contains all the vitamins and minerals you need to keep a healthy life while pretending to work in front of the computer, and you can even use the remaining fat to polish iPhones and assorted gadgets.

Each can comes with:

• water
• salt
• sugar
• smoke flavoring
• sodium phosphates
• sodium erythorbate
• sodium nitrite

That's all the stuff any human flesh-eating zombie needs. $110 will buy you a full package of 12 cans of tasty cholesterol. (Heart bypasses not included.)

Jay Thomas Lone Ranger Story