Saturday, December 30, 2006
Great story recently about a man who bought a Tony Bennett CD. He took it outside and placed it in his car stereo. The CD was defective. He walked back inside with receipt in hand and asked for a refund. He was told that was impossible. He asked to speak with management and Best Buy called 911. Not one, but two cars with officers respond to embarrass the customer.
There's the story about the woman who bought the Sony camcorder and the box contained pasta sauce. Best Buy wouldn't resolve the situation - Sony stepped in to remedy things and stop the bad press.
There's the man who bought a car stereo and was told installation was free. Upon installation, and he met "free installation criteria" - he was told of a charge. he refused, and cops were called.
I had a similar situation years ago. My wife bought me a pair of expensive headphones, that were one model number away from the ones I really wanted. Best Buy didn't sell the model I wanted, and refused to refund the money. That day, I decided to never shop Best Buy again. I've held true to that commitment.
Best Buy isn't the Best Buy anyway. They should be re-named "Best Selection" - but I want a Best Buy - and I find that elsewhere.
The way this company treats customers is outrageous. It's time they get a wake up call.
Read. Search out the company complaints. These guys have run amok.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Why do I say that? It's not because I agree with the President's domestic agenda. It's not because I think he's done a perfect job in the White House.
George Bush is a hero to me because he has courage. The President does what he believes to be in the best interest of the United States. He sticks with his beliefs, no matter how intense the criticism and invective that are directed against him every day.
The enormous defeat President Bush suffered with the loss of both Houses of Congress has not caused him to retreat from his position that the U.S. alone now stands between a radical Islamic takeover of many of the world's governments in the next 30 or more years. If that takeover occurs, we will suffer an enslavement that will threaten our personal freedoms and take much of the world back into the Dark Ages.
Our major ally in this war against the forces of darkness, Great Britain, is still being led by an outstanding prime minister, Tony Blair. However, Blair will soon be set out to pasture, which means Great Britain will leave our side and join France, Germany, Spain and other countries that foolishly believe they can tame the wolf at the door and convert it into a domestic pet that will live in peace with them.
These dreamers naively believe that if we feed the wolves what they demand, they will go away. But that won't happen. Appeasement never works. The wolves always come back for more and more, and when we have nothing left to give, they come for us.
This is what I and many of you believe, but these are the words of former New York Mayor, Ed Koch 12/28/06 on realclearpolitics.com.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
What do I want for Christmas? I've told my people what I want. Several items. Several times this year - I've more than dropped a few hints. I don't think anyone was listening. I'm at that point I'm gonna get what I get - and what I want is beside the point. I'm OK with that. I have to be. This is a fact of life. There comes a time - there is nothing you can do - that you barely "get"anything at all. I surrender to the "gift giver", and will be pleased with anything.
This doesn't stop me though from dropping one last hint for anyone in my family reading this.
Nevertheless, if you get a chestnut and are hell-bent on roasting it, make sure you cut a slit in the top of each individual nut - because they don't "pop" - they are known to EXPLODE. Experts say 200-220 degrees for about 15 minutes in a shallow pan oughta do it.
Now, about Jack Frost nipping at my nose. It's not my nose he nips at - it's lower - lower - right there. That's where I am "nipped."
Friday, December 15, 2006
The $30 million Skywalk, (upchuck) is financed by a Las Vegas businessman, (pray to the porcelin God) and set to open in March, (blow lunch) It's also started a debate among Hualapai elders who question whether making money is worth disturbing sacred ground, (spew.) The Hualapai believe their ancestors emerged from the earth of the Grand Canyon, (heave) and the area surrounding the project is scattered with the tribe’s sacred archaeological and burial sites, (vomit.)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
His journey is helped out by a “relativity cloud” — based on Einstein’s discovery that time can be stretched and space squeezed. The scientist says, “Rips in time allow Santa months to deliver presents while only minutes pass on Earth.”
An on-board SatNav prepares a detailed route, while the sleigh is pulled by reindeer genetically bred to fly and balance on rooftops. There are no weight problems as the toys are built only when Santa reaches each child’s home, using a nano-toymaker to create them from soot.
So - “Santa’s trip is possible and based on plausible science.”
That oughta shut up the nay sayers.
Friday, December 08, 2006
The man (Jimmy Wright) says, "Santa represents frivolous consumption. That's all he is. He shot Jesus right out of the saddle. He's the focus of Christmas."
Be glad you don't live next door to this twerp.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It's that special time of the year. Time to drag the kids to the mall and place them on Santas lap! Kids love Santa - can't you tell? Kids love being placed on a strange mans lap. The proof is right here. Look at the joy in their screaming faces as they yell with glee. I've heard from mall Santas. They complain of being coughed & sneezed on. Today I got a letter from a Santa complaining of being peed on. Apparently this happens often. Next time you drag your kid to the mall for the Santa visit, consider the trauma you may be putting this poor kid through. "Waaaaaaaahhhhh." "Shut Up kid - it's SANTA!!!"
Monday, December 04, 2006
Lana Clarkson, an actress wound up dead - shot to death in Spectors' California mansion in 2003. The legal wrangling has continued since - with Phil free on bond. The trial is set to begin in March. This will be a media spectacle "who-done-it." I won't speculate here on his guilt or innocence. What I will say is, "What is the deal with his hair!!!!!!??"
THIS IS A TOUPEE. I kid you not. Phil Spector is bald as a door-knob. He wears this basketball sized thing on his head day & night. Yes. He wears this to bed. Ronnie Spector, his ex-wife, reports that she's NEVER seen him without it - and they were married six years!!!!! A toupee is one thing, this contraption is something else entirely. If I were Spectors' lawyer, my first advice would be, "Lose the hair." A jury will decide this mans guilt or innocence based on among other things, his grip on reality. Phil has obviously, "lost his grip."
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Thursday, November 30, 2006
The forecast for my area today is snow & ice. One forecast says 6-12 inches. One says, 8-12 & one says 10-20 inches!!! Everyone agrees we'll have ice before the snow event. Take my word for it - even with those dire predictions of snow, there is a 50% chance - we'll get considerably less. There have been days I cried "Snow" - and it didn't manage even a flurry. There have been days I predicted sunshine - and it snowed 9 inches. On those days I feel as if I've misled people. I get discouraged, and wonder, "Maybe I should have looked at just two more forecasts and broadcast the sum of five forecasts."
Don't let your weatherman or the latest Doppler technology fool you. You're as likely as anyone to know what the weather is going to do - if you stick your head out a window.
Monday, November 27, 2006
What you need: 1, Two walkie talkies. Don't use a phone - or cheapo $10 toy walkie talkies. 2, A friend with a car that has a car stereo. 3, A sound effect of wind that will play on your friends car stereo. That's it.
In the days leading up to Christmas announce that you have special information about Santa flying over your house. You also have info of Santas' special frequency in which to raise Santa with your Walkie talkies. At a pre determined time, have your friend park down the street. Have them BLAST the wind sound effect on their car stereo at a high volume. Make the sound effect long, as you have no idea how long the conversation might last. Key the mic and ask for Santa. What comes out the little speaker will blow your mind. The wind effect alone will sell this bit, as it'll be hard to hear Santa over the noise - making it impossible to recognize who Santa might be. Put your kids on with Santa and tell them their time is limited. Instruct Santa to drive away after about 3 minutes. His signal will become more faint as he drives - as if he's really flying over. Eventually you won't be able to hear Santa at all - but your kids will believe with complete certainty that they have in fact actually spoken with the jolly old elf.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Meet the Dora Aquapet from Wild Planet Toys
~~ Interactive pet - fun for all!
~~ Interacts with you and other Aquapets!
"Honey stop playing with your aquapet. Honey? Honey? HONEY!!!!!"
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Behold. The Democrats sweep. Two stories are blatantly missing from national media. #1, the Republicans crying voter fraud. #2, The Democrats saying anything at all. SHHHHH. The election went our way, maybe we oughta shut up. If there was any fraud in 2000 or 2004 - how would Republican vote hackers allow what happened - to happen? That's my point. If Republicans were prone to stealing elections, November 7th would have been a good time to keep with tradition.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Charles Gray, the Best Blofeld. There have been many Blofelds. Telly Savalas & Donald Pleasance come to mind. This Blofeld makes you want to shoot him in the forehead with a rock climbing rope shooting gun.
Peter Franks about to eat it in Diamonds are Forever. He really gives Bond a run for his money, but in the end - as always - dies. Bond stole this mans identity before anyone knew what identity theft was. AND killed him. I think Franks got a raw deal.
The ugliest Russian woman ever. In all Bond Movies. Not all Russian women look like this. Don't you think that maybe this woman was a way to "stick it to" the Russians during the cold war? Her parody is in the Austin Powers movies. Still ugly.
Get with this Mexican program people. You'll define the holiday in a most unique way - as unique as the people that make up your family. Why are we in lock step with this turkey "tradition?" Hell, the Pilgrims didn't even have turkey - they ate eel. Does Butterball have an eel?
When everyone shows up for your Mexican Fiesta Thanksgiving - they may at first be taken aback - but I guarantee they'll talk about the moment all year long - until next Thanksgiving - when you get around to serving eel.
Monday, November 13, 2006
In my 30 years in the radio business, my stations have always had to compete with other broadcast companies for ad revenue. Newspapers mostly had the print media ad revenue all to themselves. Now, that the media itself is dying - it's time for newspapers to re-invent themselves.
A hard copy - paper paper - is important. It's an archive of time. Papers are a hands on record.
This tradition must continue - but at a cost. Newspapers must embrace the Internet & sell ad space online. Newspapers must do the same things the record companies are facing. ADDED VALUE. More inserts. Better artwork. Freebies. Don't laden me with 5 pounds of newsprint containing your advertisements. Laden me with 5 pounds of value. Cut back on your advertising - like radio had to do to compete. Make your paper better. This is the only way for the newspaper business to survive. The clock is ticking. Your own experts give you 5 years.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
8000 calories of goodness, served by a waitress dressed like a nurse. Upon eating it, you're rolled to your car in a wheelchair.
The restaurants slogan? "The taste worth dying for."
(Yes, that's the slogan.)
44 west to 40 west to 17 south. Go there now.
This feeling though quickly passed. I realized it was simply a sunny beautiful day in November that was causing me to be in a good mood. Then, upon reflecting on the Democratic wins last night, I developed acid reflux.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
A: 10, but 15 if the blondes are some of our nation's farmers.
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults constituents!
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults const—
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE LAZY!
Last night I had this dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone! I'm thinking it was probably stolen by a WWII veteran and sold for drugs.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Get out. God is dead and religion is the opiate of the masses.”
Q: How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator?
A: By the footprints in the ashes of 911 victims. I mean, 911 victims' pizza. Wait a second. Just pizza.
Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A: A teacher who gives blood tests, but remains employed due to the strength of corrupt unions.
Take my wife, please. Seriously, women are useless.
Three men are stranded on an island when they find an old lamp. They rub it. Suddenly, a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes to be off the island and, poof, he's gone. The second man wishes to be off the island, and poof, he's gone. The third man says, “Gee, I'm really lonely. I wish the Jews wouldn't start all the wars in the world.”
A waiter brings a restaurant patron a bowl of soup. The patron notices a fly and says, “Hey, there's a fly in my soup.” The waiter replies, “Yes. Unfortunately our chef is Latino.”
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To head into the army recruiting office so he could fight in Iraq. Oh, wait. I told that wrong. I forgot to say the chicken was retarded.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Saturday, November 04, 2006
2-Pentium II 300mhz, 512mb, five 9gb drives
2-Pentium II 300mhz, 512mb, four 9gb drives
4-PPC 604 333mhz, 512mb, eight 9gb drives
2-UltraSparc II 200mhz, 256mb, three 9gb drives, six 4gb drives
Disk expansion, eight 9gb drives
Disk expansion, ten 9gb drives
That's a total of:
1792 megabytes of memory
366 gigabytes of disk storage
2933 megahertz in 10 CPUs
Here is Google today.
Just an upgrade or two. Why didn't I think of this?
Marie: You live here? Oh, it’s nice. Did you decorate it?
Navin: Yeah, I got all this stuff from the old Cup ‘o Pizza place before they tore it down.
Marie: Good pizza. (the two of them are eating pizza in a cup)
Navin: Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup ‘o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this.
We laughed because it was so stupid.
BEHOLD. THE PIZZA CONE.
Two companies are set to battle it out for your Pizza-cone business. KONO PIZZA & CRISPY CONES. KONO is already operational in New Zealand, Kuwait, Spain & Greece. CRISPY just opened in L.A..
I don't know what to think. I haven't eaten one - but I'm not ready to fork over the franchise fee just yet. Someday - maybe soon - this may be the way we eat pizza. It'll surely make eating pizza in the car possible. Maybe that's the inspiration. Grab extra napkins.
Where do you put the extra cheese?
I suggest they smother it in cheese, lettuce, tomato & special sauce. Then wrap it in a soft tortilla with a layer of re-fried beans. Then wrap that in a corn tortilla with a layer of Monterey Jack cheese. Then take a deep fried Gordita shell, smother it in Guacamole and wrap that around the outside. Then bake it in a corn husk filled with salsa. Then wrap it in a Parisian crepe, filled with egg, sausage & portabello mushrooms. Then roll it up in a blueberry pancake, dip it in batter and deep fry it until it's golden brown.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The analysis by the Center for Media and Public Affairs of midterm election stories aired on the ABC, CBS and NBC evening newscasts Sept. 5-Oct. 22. It found that 2006's coverage has been almost five times as heavy as in the 2002 midterm elections: 167 stories, compared with 35 four years ago.
The study found that three out of four evaluations of Democratic candidates' chances of winning were positive, compared with one out of eight for Republicans. Coverage has been dominated by two major themes: the effects of the Foley scandal, and the impact the Bush presidency is having on the party's congressional candidates. The Foley scandal produced 59 stories alone, compared with 33 on Iraq and 31 on terrorism/national security issues.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I did it again the next year. This time with personal hygiene products. "Who wants mouthwash?" "Me - Me - Me!", they said. I remember giving a kid a can of hair spray and him saying, "Thanks Mr. for the hairspray!"
One year it was Hot sauces & Picante sauce. I had cases of the stuff and the kids thought it was great. One year it was salad dressings. "Who wants French?" "Do you have Bleu Cheese?" "Sure kid, do you want dry or creamy Bleu Cheese?" I drop this stuff in the bag or the plastic pumpkin or whatever.
Last year it was $2 bills.
Now, 15 years later, a whole generation of kids have grown up - coming to my house, and they look forward to what ever I'm doing. One thing for sure, they'll remember me and this stupid bit - for the rest of their lives.
This year? The "Halloween Boo-ffet." Hambooogers, Halloweenies & Chicken for the chickens. Kids can dress their sandwiches with blood or mucus (their choice.) I'll drag the Charmglow into the garage and serve over 200 sandwiches.
Next year? I wanna do jewelry. Rings & earrings. I'm dead serious.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Hillary and Chelsea sent out about 10,000 invitations to Hollywood tycoons, movie stars, captains of industry and Wall Street - with all proceeds to go to the former President's charitable foundation.
Those who pledged the top price were promised the 'Birthday Chair Package', with the best seating for the concert as well as a chance to have photographs taken with Mr Clinton during a round of golf and a three-day series of cocktail, brunch and dinner parties.
The minimum price, with inferior concert seats and no brunch, was set at $60,000, but the Clintons drastically slashed prices to $12,500 for one reception and the concert, or $5,000 for just the Stones. At last possible moment, the Clintons put the tickets on sale to the public for as little as $1,710.
Bill Clinton: Marked down for clearance.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Barack Obama on the cover of Time magazine. "Why Barack Obama could be the next President."
I don't see eye to eye with Obama politically on many issues - but the reasons why he'll be a serious contender are clear to see. He's honest. There's something about this man that makes you like him. He has that "X factor." My God this man is electable.
Honest? You bet. Obama, currently on a book tour, was asked by the New Yorker editor, whether or not his admission of drug use in the book would become problematic if he does, if fact, run for President.
Obama said, "I inhaled. That was the point."
The truth will set you free.
Monday, October 23, 2006
George W's approval rating is down. Democrats are foaming at the mouth in anticipation of the mid-term elections. Will Democrats take control of the House & the Senate? We'll know soon enough. The burning question is, who will the Democrats put on the Presidential ballot in 2008?
Hillary Rodham Clintons' name is often batted around as the candidate. But, how "electable" is Hillary - really? She'll bring all the "Clinton baggage" - and it must be said - "the female factor", to the race.
"What if" the election were held tomorrow?
A new poll of adult voters in America's heartland say they'd vote for a DISHTOWEL over Hillary Clinton - for President. Yes, given a ballot of Dishtowel or Hillary - 100% of voters in this new poll would elect the Dishtowel.
The astonishing poll was conducted on the popular "Brian & Kellie Morning Show" broadcast on WNNS-FM in Springfield Illinois.
"We thought we'd get at least one call for the New York Senator", said Kellie Michaels, WNNS morning host & Operations Manager. "Every single call went for the towel."
WNNS host Brian Pierce pointed out, "This is a regular size cotton dishtowel."
Political pundits in the area speculate this news will come as a blow to the Clinton campaign, or that Central Illinois "really loves dishtowels."
Clintons spokesperson was unavailable for comment, as was the Dishtowel.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
The number of games they play a season these days is nearly 200. That's nearly 600 hours I just don't have. What I do have is 60 seconds a day to check a sports page, or 15 seconds to catch a score on TV. I'm usually aware where my Cardinals stand. Of the team roster during the season, I could name probably no more than 4. But come playoff time, if my Cardinals are "in it" - look out - Katie bar the door.
Post Season baseball emotionally takes me back to the 60's. When the Cardinals were in the playoffs or the series back then - my elementary school would roll in "the big black & white TV on the cart" - and we'd watch the day games in lieu of schoolwork. Can you imagine? We'd spend all afternoon at our desks cheering Tim McCarver, Mike Shannon, Bob Gibson & Curt Flood.
Now that the Cards are in the World series, my schedule adapts to watch every game. I even tried to get tickets to a game at Busch. I would have happily paid $200 a ticket if they'd been available. I cheer these guys with no guilt that my interest begins only the last week of the season. Yes, I applaud the fans that are there all season long. Without them, my Cardinals wouldn't exist. Hell, I don't even own a Cardinals T-shirt or hat.
I am so naive to the workings of Major league baseball that I have a non politically correct statement to make. Forgive me. Remember, this is from a man that hasn't followed pro baseball religiously for 40 years - What is it with all the Mexicans? Or Puerto Ricans - or whatever all these guys are? Now there are even a few Japanese players. People used to joke that Pro Baseball existed so white guys would have a sport to play. That still might be true, but the rosters seem to be mostly Central American. Yes I remember Roberto Clemente & Matty Alou. I know this infusion began years ago, but it seems to be at a zenith. It's almost as if the sports page should read, St. Louis' Central Americans defeated New Yorks' Central Americans in game one of the World Series.
Do Central American ball players possess more skills? Do they have better vision that allows them to see and therefor hit a 100 mph fastball? Are they say, for example like Nigerian long distance runners?
I've raised 3 boys and I know what's going on. Each and everyone had/has the ability to play baseball well. Each might have been able to make their way to the major leagues. But, all 3 were far more interested in video baseball than the real thing.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
In no way am I bragging about how much money I make. BUT - I pay more in taxes than most in this country make. I ALWAYS owe the Government money at the end of the year. Doing what I do means small checks from a variety of clients throughout the year. This throws my tax bill out of whack, and I end up paying through the nose.
Last night I attached a check to my return that would purchase outright - a pretty good car. It'd pay for a killer vacation or get me a couple giant LCD flat screen TV's. What I might have spent that money on is lost now, but what my Government will DO with that money is giving me a gag reflex.
I often work seven days a week to make that money. I've lost sleep since 1986 doing morning radio shows. I've shaken as many hands and kissed as many babies as any seasoned politician. This money was earned with blood, sweat & tears. I've neglected my family hundreds of times and regret it. My tax money has fallen into the hands of the largest legal money stealing scheme ever - our Government.
Who'll get my money? Politicians will steal it. Bribes will be made. Able-bodied people asleep while I work - will get parts of it. Stupid people. Lazy people. Corrupt people. Sure, some good will come from my donation to the public trough. My money combined with money stolen from you too - will build a road or two. A school or two will be built. A bridge might be made safer. Someone more needy than I - may receive a deserved hand-out. But, by and large, the check I wrote last night will be squandered. We both know it.
I live in a city full of State workers. Many occupy positions that are legitimately necessary. But, every citizen of this city knows someone on the State payroll with a job that isn't necessary. A job they got because they knew someone - a job that just takes up space and pays extremely well. I know this is where some of my tax money flows. Illinois is broke because of out of control spending. Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to write that check.
Like lemmings we pay our taxes with no real accounting of where the money goes. After all these years, I just want to be on the receiving end of some of that cash - instead of financing the mess.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Wal Mart sells CD's of recorded music @ $10 and under. The music companies and the RIAA have complained about Wal Mart to the Feds for years. Wal Mart was accused of "price fixing."
To punish Wal Mart for their behavior, the record companies withheld promotional items. This is why you don't see giant cardboard Britney Spears stand-ups at Wal Mart. You won't see posters of Outkast at Wal Mart. Wal Mart didn't flinch. They see CD's as a "loss leader", meaning they'd rather draw you to their stores with value priced music, and profit from your other sales. Besides, Wal Mart argues it's hard to charge $10 for 50 minutes of music, when most DVD's are $15 and provide over 3 hours of entertainment. Hard to argue.
The record companies have finally conceded that they need Wal Mart more - than Wal Mart needs them. Their own studies indicate that CD sales will fall dramatically if Wal Mart drops their product. This is forcing the record companies to reconsider CD pricing overall. It looks bad when the record store has a CD at $17.99 - and down the street Wal Mart has it for $9.99.
The profiteering in the music business is over. Once and for all - it's over. Musicians will make their money the old fashioned way - at live concerts - and make just cents per CD - like it was in the old days.
PTP computer programs and Wal Mart are to thank. The days of $17,99 for a CD with 2 good songs - are numbered.
No, I wasn't towed. Just the other day I was ticketed 4 times. In the course of 2 hours, I received 4 parking tickets. I was parked at a 30 minute meter. I was working 60 feet from the space, directly facing it through a plate glass window at my downtown broadcast studio. I knew when my time was up - and was prepared to feed the meter 25 cents each time time expired. I made note of the time I arrived, so I could feed the meter at the appropriate time. I was beat to the meter each time by a 20-ish meter maid. She dropped in from no-where literally seconds after each quarter expired. I'd be approaching the meter, to plunk in my quarter, and she's already there - fining me.
I'm not above the law. I am not civilly disobedient. I'm a big boy who knows how parking meters work, and why they're there. But, in this city - no make that town - this is hardly a city - this behavior has to stop. This town is trying to re-build it's downtown on tourism. If this is how our Police dept. chooses to treat me (a Springfield Good-will ambassador) , how will the Dentist from Detroit fare?
Meter maids obviously lying in wait for meters to expire is ridiculous. I paid the tickets. I'll go downtown again. I'll take my quarters and issue this threat. This is a threat to our meter maids. Treat me this way again, I'll get your name, and introduce a character to the show. This person will eat their boogers, fart & drool. They'll be dumber than a doorstop - and smell like Hogans goat. They will have the same name as you.