You are Taliban if........

•You sell heroin for a living but have a moral objection to beer.

•You own a $5,000 machine gun, a $10,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

•You have nothing against women and think that every man should own at least one.

•You bathe each month whether you need it or not.

•You wipe your butt with your hands but... bacon is "unclean."

•You were amazed to discover cell phones have other uses besides setting off roadside bombs.

•You have a crush on your neighbor's goat.

•The nicest thing you can hear is "I love what you've done with your cave."