ARETHA FRANKLIN'S BREASTS APPLY FOR STATEHOOD

Aretha Franklin is behind, literally, a growing movement to grant statehood to her two enormous breasts.

"The two masses have a an area in square miles the equivalent of Vermont and New Hampshire, and I see no compelling reason that they should not be granted statehood," says the movement's spokesperson, Harry Smiderson.

Republicans in Washington are terrified that the movement may gain momentum in the current anti-Bush atmosphere. "Two large, African-American breasts are likely to generate senators and representatives that vote along with the Democrats, and this is a scenario we cannot allow," says National Republican Party spokesperson, Roger Snick.

Ms. Franklin has refused to comment to media about the issue.