Monday, April 24, 2006

I wanna be a Doorman.


I wanna be a Doorman. In New York City – Doorman is a Union gig – and there are 28,000 of them! Doormen make no less than $700 a week. The union guarantees it. This past week, a Doorman strike was averted – when representatives of hundreds of buildings – caved – to the Doorman Union demands. The Doormen wanted a pay raise, guaranteed contract, 401k’s, the whole Doorman enchilada. The Doormen got what they wanted. New Yorkers can rest easy knowing their door will be opened by New York’s professional Doormen. What makes a Doorman a “professional Doorman” besides the paycheck? It’s most likely attention to details. A Union Doorman knows the precise pressure at which to push or pull a door in order to operate it at factory specifications. They know the factory specifications of every door ever made. They’ve attended classes on hinges – and know the weights each door hinge ever manufactured can hold. They mix special solutions to keep their doors windows clean – and mix their own oil to lubricate them. Union Doormen know all about locks and can likely open any lock in just seconds. Doormen must be weathermen – so they have umbrella’s handy when it rains. Doormen would shovel around their doors when it snows – and shade their door-handle when it’s hot – so no one gets burned.
Doormen likely help with groceries & luggage. Doormen sweep just inside their doors to make their “door experience” as pleasant as possible. Doormen must have incredible memories – so to know each face & name of everyone coming or going from his door. Doormen must endure the Doorman uniform in hot weather, the expense of keeping it clean, and the silly Doorman hat. This is my impression of a $700 a week Doorman. If I were a Doorman – this is the kind of Doorman I’d be. You just know this isn’t the case.

The Doorman Union just protected the jobs of thousands of half ass Doormen. Why? Because I, (an untrained rookie Doorman) could open doors too – but I’d open them with passion. I’d rise to the top of the Doorman food-chain quickly. People would remember me. I’d be famous among the Doorman ranks – because I feel any job worth doing – is worth doing well.

3 comments:

Your Daughter said...

I'll pay you to be my professional Doorman when I'm famous. Either that or my announcer. Well heck - why not both? You've multi-talented! Opening doors AND talking!

PR said...

Ahem...I think you may have been referring to the doorPERSON's union?

I tried to start a union at work once, the Retail Employees Sales Union for people who work on straight commission, so we could go out on strike. It didn't go over so well for some reason.

I'm not in sales any more.

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