Let Suzanne eat cake

This actually happened.

Imagine telling the doofus, "I want the cake to say, Best Wishes Suzanne, and underneath that, We will miss you."

I hope this was Suzannes last day....working at the bakery!

A womans brain.

Have you ever wondered how a woman's brain works? Well....it's finally explained here in one, easy-to-understand illustration:

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

Good thing a man's brain requires only two balls.

Halloween Costume that'll be a hit.

If you haven't already come up with something creative to wear to work Wednesday, may I suggest what is sure to become the most overplayed Halloween costume this year...Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg's gift that keeps on giving: Dick in a Box. The bit is from SNL and is all over Youtube. Gives a whole new meaning to trick or treat.

Robert Redford get a grip & moisturize

Hollywood liberal ROBERT REDFORD only agreed to receive his Kennedy Center Honor from U.S. President GEORGE W. BUSH after he was assured it was a recognition "above politics". Redford was less than thrilled about shaking Bush's hand at the high-profile event, but decided to attend for his family's sake. He says, "It was tough, but you have to shake his hand. You go through the motions because everybody's taking the high road. "I was assured beforehand that this was an honor above politics, and I said, 'If that's the case, OK, I'll have to bite it.' "It really was about my family and giving my kids and especially my grandkids a chance to see, firsthand, how a place like the White House operates."

We live in a country with people who wouldn't be flattered to shake the Presidents hand? Bob. Get a grip.

Bill & Hillary are to me, what W. is to Redford, but I'd shake both their hands without a second thought.

Cool pic of the day

Careful John, You're about to fly into a mountain.














This is John Travolta's house. Suburban Gainesville Florida. This is a subdivision that caters to those who fly. There's a runway over a mile long. Each home has a runway/driveway that allows you to literally taxi right up to your front door. By the way, that's a Gulfstream jet and a Boeing 707B. I wonder if he has to take off his shoes before he boards? This redefines cool. He flies almost everyday, but he has a couple of cars too. That's nice.

MR. OLYMPIA FINALIST'S TEENY WEENY.... BIKINI

Oh the beauty that is the natural male form -- shaved smooth, sprayed brown and pumped beyond all recognition into an emasculating neon-blue mankini!

The Mr. Olympia Bodybuilding Finals were held last weekend in Las Vegas, and finalist Gustavo Badell showed off all his big muscles -- and a little one too!

Working out can only do so much.

Who has a baby goat??????

This is a quick read on the differences between doin' A/C Radio & Country Radio.

Kellie participated in a Goat Milking contest at the Kansas State Fair a couple of weeks ago. (She did well, but the rest of the team languished.) As we were having the discussion, Ray, a long time KFDI listener, called to ask if we knew anyone selling baby goats. Well, of course I didn't. I took Rays number down and asked if anyone had a baby goat they'd part with - "I know a guy....."

You see the results of that conversation. This is Rays daughter feeding the new addition to the family. Ray now considers me a part of his family - and the world goes on.

1 Gig 20 years ago, and 1 Gig today.

1 Gig circa 1987 & 1 Gig - today. In 2027, we'll be lookin' at a Rice Krispie.

The Man who saved the World

The date is September 1, 1983 and the Cold War between the Soviet Union and USA is in full gear, when from New York, Korean Air Lines Flight 747 flies from JFK, destination Seoul, South Korea.

In the middle of the flight, while accidentally passing through Soviet air space, Soviet fighter jets appear getting close the aircraft. The Soviets, who didn't know the plane contained civilians, warned the pilot that they will shoot down the aircraft if it doesn't identify itself, and the pilot, for some unknown reason, doesn't respond.

Reports say the pilot never actually received the information, although theories about this are still unclear. An hour passes as the fighter jets still accompany the aircraft, and the orders from Soviet military is to shoot down the aircraft just as the plane was leaving Soviet airspace.

The Soviet fighter jets shot down the plane, with the aircraft plunging 35,000 feet in less than 90 seconds, killing 269 civilians, including a US congressman.

Hell broke loose. As the Soviets tried to defend their 'mistake', US President Ronald Reagan described the Soviets actions as "barbaric" and "a crime against humanity that must never be forgotten".

The tension between the two mega-powers hit an all-time high, and on 15 September 1983 the US administration banned Soviet aircraft from operating in US airspace. With the political climate in dangerous territory, both US and Soviet government were on high-alert believing an attack was imminent.

It was a cold night at the Serpukhov-15 bunker in Moscow on 26 September 1983 as Strategic Rocket Forces lieutenant colonel Stanislav Yevgrafovich Petrov resumed his duty, monitoring the skies of the Soviet Union, after taking a shift of someone else who couldn't go to work.

Just past midnight, Petrov received a computer report he'd dreaded all his military career to see, the computer captured a nuclear military missile being launched from the US, destination Moscow.

In the event of such an attack, the Soviet Union’s strategy protocol was to to launch an immediate all-out nuclear weapons counterattack against the United States with nuclear power, and immediately afterwards inform top political and military figures. From there, it would be taken a decision to further the military offensive on America.

The bunker was in full-alarm, with red lights all over the place as the missile was captured by the Soviet satellites via computers. Petrov wasn't convinced though. He believed that if the US attacked, they would have attacked all-out, not just sending one missile and giving a chance for them (the Soviets) to attack back.

Petrov figured something didn't make sense, as strategically, just one missile from the US would be a strategic disaster. He took some time to think and decided not to give the order a nuclear attack against America, since in his opinion, one missile didn't make sense strategically and it could easily have been a computer error.

But then, seconds later, the situation turned extremely serious. A second missile was spotted by the satellite. The pressure by the officers in the bunker to commence responsive actions against America started growing. A third missile was spotted, followed by a fourth. A couple of seconds later, a fifth one was spotted... everyone in the bunker was agitated as the USSR was under missile attack.

He had two options. Go with his instinct and dismiss the missiles as computer errors, breaking military protocol in the process or take responsive action and commence full-blown nuclear actions against America, potentially killing millions.

He decided it was a computer error, knowing deep down that if he was wrong, missiles would be raining down in Moscow in minutes.

Seconds turned to minutes, and as time passed it was clear Petrov was right, it was a computer error after all. Stanislav Petrov had prevented a worldwide nuclear war, a doomsday scenario that would have annihilated entire cities. He was a hero. Those around him congratulated him for his superb judgment.

Upon further investigation it resulted that the error came from a very rare sunlight alignment, which the computer read as missile.

Of course, top brass in the Kremlin didn't find it so heroic, as he broke military protocol and if he would have been wrong, risked millions of Russian lives. He was sent into early retirement, with a measly $200 a month pension, suffering a nervous breakdown in the process.

Due to military secrecy, nobody knew Petrov's heroic judgment until 1998, when a book written by a Russian officer present at the bunker revealed that World War 3 was closer than people thought, and a nuclear holocaust was avoided by a close shave.

Even though the Russian have little sympathy to the man who saved millions of American lives, the United Nations and a number of US agencies honoured the man who could have started a nuclear war, but didn't.

Next year, a documentary film entitled 'The Man who saved the World' is set to be released, perhaps giving Petrov some financial help, thanking him for the incredible part he had in keeping the US and the USSR out of a full-blown war.

Without knowing on the cold Moscow night back in 1983, a badly paid 44 year old military officer saved the world, and made himself one of the most influential persons of the century in the process, saving more lives than anyone ever did.

Most of today's people don't know it, but today's world as we know it, is like it is because of Stanislav Petrov.

Don't pump up the volume

It's hard out there for a pimped out ride.

Rockford Illinois will start seizing vehicles that play music too loudly. The kicker is that your car can be seized if someone merely accuses you of playing loud music, because "hearsay evidence shall be admissible."

The ordinance is worded this way: ""No person shall operate... any device used to... reproduce any recorded sound if the device is located... in any motor vehicle on the public way and the sound can be heard from 75 feet or more from the device." And you don't have to be playing music at the time -- someone could have heard you blasting tunes on your way down the street and reported it to the police. By the time the police show up your stereo's been silent for hours. But if the police determine there's probable cause that it was you, your car goes away.

The fine is $150 to $750, plus $75 for towing and $20 per day for storage. If the officer has to wait more than an hour for the tow truck, it's another $60 per hour for his or her time. And if you want to fight it, the city keeps your car while you go through the appeals process, charging you for storage fees, of course. Silent running might be the phrase to keep in mind while rolling through Rockford.

The Worlds Worst Credit Card

Meet the worst credit card in the world. It is designed to prey on subprime borrowers who, sadly, cannot get a better card...

Meet the Continental Finance Mastercard.

After all the fees have been collected, it has a credit limit of $53.
Account setup fee: $99
Program participation fee: $89
Annual fee: $49
Account maintenance fee: $120 (charged @ $10/month)
Purchase APR: 19.92%
Authorized user fee: $30 (great! seems like $53 credit is a bit too much for a single person to handle)
Credit limit increase fee: $25 (and you don't even have to ask for it!)
Internet payment fee: $4 for each authorized internet payment.

Damn. This card is shockingly awful. And to make matters worse: If you use this card to repair your credit history you're stuck with it because canceling the account will shorten your credit history and drop your score. What a headache.

Smoking 170,000 Cigarettes

I love this picture.

An iron-lunged South London woman has celebrated her 100th birthday by lighting up her 170,000th cigarette from a candle on her birthday cake. The 100-year-old started smoking only days after the First World War broke out in June 1914 when she was just seven-years-old - and has gone through five a day ever since.
She has no intention of quitting, "I have smoked ever since infant school and I have never thought about quitting. There were not all the health warnings like there are today when I started. It was the done thing."

This old broad looks fun. I bet her voice sounds like Keith Richards.

Woman claims curdled cream gave her the McRuns

One day Angela Cannon of Minneapolis stopped at the Uptown McDonald's drive-thru to grab a cup of coffee with cream and sugar. She took a sip of the steamy beverage, then a gulp. It was only afterwards that she realized something was wrong--the cream was lumpy and rancid. Then, just minutes later, she says she was in the restroom, violently retching into the nearest toilet.
Angela says her reaction was so extreme that she wound up spending five days in the hospital with severe bowel problems, and even required surgery. So now, together with her husband who claims he's been deprived of her "society, companionship, and consortium," she's suing Micky D’s. She's looking at $100,000 in damages.

Meanwhile, the suits at the Golden Arches have no comment…

Something has happened to me in the last several months. I can no longer eat McDonalds without feeling queazy. The food doesn't need to be rancid to make me sick. It all pretty much makes me gag. I've eaten at Mickey D's all my life. My size became quite large. Now, after swearing off fast food - I've lost quite a bit of weight. My insides can no longer tolerate the grease, and from my new pant size - I'm happy about it.

Thanks for the mail.

Almost two weeks on the air in Wichita and all is well. The e-mails welcoming us to KFDI are overwhelming. Even after all these years, I am still amazed at the kindness of people. Each day my box is filled with greetings from KFDI regulars welcoming us into the Wichita "fold." Equally unbelievable are the mails from Central Illinois listeners who've found us on-line. The internet has certainly changed listening habits. I know that now more than ever. I am humbled at the interest in what we're doing. Brian & Kellie are simply a couple of career radio junkies, doing what we love.

My regular posts will continue soon, as I'm still unpacking boxes and learning the ropes here.

World Record set in Home Purchase.

I buy things quickly. Don't get me wrong. I think things through, but when my minds made up - I can purchase almost anything faster than you.

I once bought a car on the phone. I hadn't even seen it. I had a friend drive by and look at it. He liked it, and told me I should buy it - and I did. The papers were signed before I even sat behind the wheel.

I bought a rider mower on a whim. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made.

I bought a computer on-line. Took about 3 minutes.

I can complete any grocery shopping trip in 20% of the time the average American takes.

It should come as no surprise I bought a house in two days.

My Illinois house sold so quickly, the truck with my belongings needed a Wichita address, or I'd face a huge storage fee. I bought a house in two days. I got pre-approval from a local bank. I contacted a Realtor, and asked if it was possible to close in as little as 10 days. They said, "It is possible." I arrived on a Sunday, looked at houses Monday and half a day Tuesday - then made an offer. The offer was accepted, the financing squared away & my furniture will arrive about 5 hours after I get the keys this Saturday.

I must be a "dream client" for a Realtor. Actually, the Internet made the quick decision possible, as we looked at over 500 houses online before we arrived. The commission paid on my deal will amount to several hundred dollars an hour. I imagine for every customer like me, a Realtor gets twenty that drag the process out - wasting everybody's time.

I expect a plaque will be placed in my Realtors office with my picture, detailing the "World Record Time" on our sale. I also expect a Christmas Card and a bottle of Dom Perignon on the kitchen counter.

Wichita rolls out red carpet for Brian & Kellie

Actually, the speed limit was 35 along the Kellogg frontage road - as I zipped along at 47.

The Wichita Police Department, apparently thrilled at the news Brian & Kellie were in town, decided to wave us to the side of the road. The Police didn't use their flashing lights. They must have recognized us, as they flailed their arms as we approached. "Wow", I thought. Maybe they want to give us the key to the city! We met a very nice officer who immediately began writing what I assumed was an autograph request. As it turned out, he wanted my autograph, and a small donation to the city of Wichita. How honored I was to be considered a Wichita resident so quickly. I have a special number I have to call. I imagine this is a special Big Time radio host number. I can't wait to make the call. To be welcomed this way by these hard working men in uniform is flattering. If each day in Wichita is as personally satisfying as this day, I'm gonna love this place.

Brian and Kellie Farewell Tour Final Round

We got the send-off today in the same studio where it all began back in the seventies.

This is WFMB-AM 1450, formerly WCVS "The Big 14" at 3055 S. 4th.

That's Sam Madonia & Jeff Hoffman with Brian & Kellie. I was the night jock in the seventies, and Kell was the mid-day girl in the early 80's. This is truly the room where it all began for me. If you've ever driven by the studios, this is the old main round studio at the center of the round building. Sam gave us 90 minutes and took calls from listeners, and even advertisers who we worked with over the years. Thanks to Bob Ridings for the kind words, and George Haven, my SHS math teacher for calling in. It seems appropriate to leave this town from the same room where I spoke my first real commercial radio words a long time ago.

Thanks to Sam, Paul & GM Kevin O'Dea for the opportunity. Off now to Wichita. The next post from there.

Brian and Kellie Farewell Tour Round One

What a pleasure it was to join Max & Liz this morniing on 100.5 WYMG. We got 30 minutes of prime time to say thanks to the city that supported us all those years. We competed with WYMG everyday, and it was gracious of this Saga station to extend the invitation. While there we received calls from former listeners who now wake up with WYMG. It was fun sitting in front of a microphone again after the long hiatus.




Immediately afterward, we ventured down the hall to join our old friend Bob Murray at sister station, 1240 WTAX. We both worked with Bob for a long time and hadn't been heard together in about 10 years. We could have done 4 hours with Bob, but the old radio stories would have become tiring to the audience.


All the best to these radio pros. By the way, I officially endorsed Bob's show as the one to listen to for all the displaced Brian & Kellie fans.

Brian and Kellie Farewell Tour

We didn't get to do a "last show." We will get to say goodbye to Springfield - thanks to our competitors all those years.

As of now, we'll appear on WYMG with Max & Liz at 7am Wednesday July 11. About 7:40 that same day, we'll appear with Bob Murray on WTAX.

The next day, Thursday July 12, we'll appear with Sam Madonia on WFMB-AM in the 7am hour. I'm led to believe we'll take calls on that show.

I sincerely thank my fellow broadcasters for the opportunity.

Brian and Kellie back on the air.

Brian and Kellie will be back on the radio beginning Monday, July 30th. For Springfield listeners, you will need a computer to hear us.

We are excited to announce we have accepted the position of morning show personalities on Journal Broadcast Group's KFDI-FM (kfdi.com) Wichita, Kansas. Journal Broadcast Group, headquartered in Milwaukee WI, owns and operates 36 radio stations and nine television stations in 12 states.

It was a tough decision to move away from our family and friends here in Springfield. We explored all the radio options here and even opportunities outside of broadcasting in our quest to stay local. Our phone rang with offers all across the country. Frankly, we turned down many because the fit wasn't quite right. When Wichita called, we visited the city, and found a perfect fit.

We want to express thanks to the hundreds of you who e-mailed us. Thanks to those of you who introduced yourselves as we were out and about. Literally each time we left the house, we were recognized and people expressed their support. We were stopped in the grocery store, at restaurants, the mall, gas stations and the dry cleaner. We were approached at the hardware store and at the movies. We tried to explain what was going on to the mailman, people inside drive-up windows and the FedEx lady at our front door. It makes us feel good to know we touched your lives. 15 years waking up a city is quite a feat, but we're not quite finished. We only hope that Wichita opens it's arms to us the way you have all these years.

Brian and Kellie, a month later.

When you do radio for a living, you take vacation one week at a time. Even when we left for just seven days, we got calls & mail from people freaked out that their morning was ruined. Most "team shows" leave a "team member" on duty during vacations. Brian & Kellie always took vacation together, leaving a fill-in. This is the up-side of "between gigs." Long, glorious, extended time off. Late night TV (I haven't seen Letterman in years), movies, camping, washing cars, yard work, & dinners out at dinnertime (we used to eat at 4:30.) I have no announcement to make here - just we're happy and groovin' at having this spring free to do anything we want. Thanks for the mail. We hear from listeners everyday. The internet makes this communication possible. I forget how we managed life before it.

Brian and Kellie, a week later.

As we go about our lives, we're more than flattered at the well wishes. Everywhere we go, people stop us to express concern. Visit our website, brianandkellie.com. You can e-mail & visit our Myspace pages from there. We love the feedback.

We are flattered.

Brian and Kellie have read EVERY single comment on the net today. Our eyes are tired. We are in awe. Thank you - each and every one of you.

I'll be back.

Rate His Lovemaking Dot Com

Yes, it's a website. Ratehislovemaking.com

As the name implies, women apparently go here and dish on their mans lovemaking. The details are all there. It looks like they don't use last names - obviously sparing themselves the lawsuits.
This is every mans nightmare. Oh girls, I know you think this is cute, but every guy will click this and navigate the pages to see if they make the lists. What trauma it will be to those that find their name there. Maybe you thought you were a terrific lover, only to discover what she really thinks.
What kind of woman would do this to a man anyway? How on Earth will he perform upon discovering that you told the Earth he is a lousy lover? There's too much pressure already. This site may actually make matters worse.

There needs to be a site called, Iknowitsaliebutheisincredibleinbed dot com. We men are gullible enough to believe it.

I am wrong wrong wrong.

I've edited the last post because of attacks on other blogs. Someone actually compared me to Hitler. The punchline of the post was lost in the set-up. I apologize especially to Dave & JP who are especially riled up.

Hillary gets "owned."

Hillary Clinton has started her Presidential campaign by attempting to align herself with the military and be tough on terror.

The picture shows that this soldier has been through Survival School and learned his lessons well. He’s giving the sign of “coercion” with his left hand. These hand signs are taught in survival school to be used by POW’s as a method of posing messages back to our intelligence services who may view the photo or video. This guy was being coerced into shaking hands with Hillary Clinton. It’s ironic perhaps because she’s never understood our military to begin with.

Hijab on a Barbie doll

Muslim Barbies. They're here. Well it's certainly Barbie, but Mattel doesn't have the cajones to call her that - call this Barbie: Fulla.

In reality she's been around since 2003. Fulla will never have a boyfriend doll like Ken, but look for a Doctor Fulla and a Teacher Fulla soon.

By the way, Fulla is $16 - in a region where the average monthly take home pay is $100.

What's under that coat? Run!!!! Did I say that? Sorry. You make the call.

I wanna pee upside down

This won't make many newscasts - so I present it here.

This is an 18 month old dog named, "Baby." Baby used to pee like the other dogs. He'd raise his leg and pee on the tree. This is of course is in the "dog handbook", all dogs receive. Most dogs figure it out, and follow it's "peeing instructions" all their lives. Not Baby.

Baby now stands on his front legs and well, look at the picture. This is the way Baby now pees. Every time - no fail. Baby's owner is perplexed as to why her pooch has adopted this acrobatic position to pee.

Let me see if I can analyze what baby is doin' here. Baby apparently wants to get as much tree/pee coverage as possible. Why pee at the base of the tree, when you can pee way up the trunk and let it run down? Maybe it simply feels good? Maybe Baby pees this way - BECAUSE HE CAN!!!

I can't pee this way. I envy Baby. I haven't ever looked into alternative ways to pee. This is a remarkable dog.

Dixie Chicks back on the air? Nah.

So, TDC won a bunch of Grammys. Recall the 2003 Bush-bashing comment?

Music Row isn't welcoming them back into the country-music fold.
Most country stations aren't playing the Chicks, and they aren't going to start now.
The awards likely will have the opposite effect, sparking another radio backlash against TDC. Comrades in Country Radio insist the five Grammys show how out of touch the Recording Academy is from the average country fan.

Country stations quit playing TDC in 2003 after Natalie Maines announced, "Just so you know, we're ashamed the president of the United States is from Texas." TDC sang about it in their single, "Not Ready to Make Nice," which won Grammys as record and song of the year. Their album, "Taking the Long Way," won album of the year.

At the recent CMA awards TDC weren't even nominated for a prize.
"Not Ready to Make Nice" peaked at #36 on the Billboard charts - and it's the BEST COUNTRY ALBUM?

I'm with Nashville on this one. So the West Coast thinks TDC deserve awards. Los Angeles doesn't even have an FM Country station. That is how out of touch the Recording Academy is.

Barack-a-Palooza

Barack-a-Palooza. Springfield Illinois 2/10/07

Barack me Gently. Barack me Slowly. Take it easy, don't you know, I have never been Baracked like this before.

I love Barack-n-Roll, put another dime in the Jukebox Baby.

We will We will - Barack you.

If there's a Barack-N-Roll Heaven, you know they've got a Hell of a band.

One O-Clock, Two O-Clock, Three O-Clock Barack.

I'm Just a Singer in A Barack-N-Roll Band.

Geez, Obama will have it easy when it comes to picking a theme song. I came within 50 feet of Wonderboy today, but couldn't score a photo. I did however score this one with Chris Matthews on the Today Show set. That's my son Nick, on the left.

Obama's running mate

Early speculation is that Brian Pierce, an Illinois radio show host with no political experience whatsoever, is Barack Obama's choice as a running mate in 2008. Pundits argue that the cheesy photoshop image is not proof of Obama's selection, but agree it won't hurt his poll numbers. Pierce was unavailable for comment as was Senator Obama. Friends of Pierce say, "Brian appears to be in an "Obama Trance" as is much of the rest of the country."

Things we like more & less - than the President.

According to a CBS News poll, the president`s overall approval rating dipped to 28 percent—the lowest number in his presidency and dangerously close to Nixon`s all-time low of 24 percent. Let's put this news in perspective.


OTHER THINGS WITH A 28 PERCENT APPROVAL RATING

• Boxer Briefs

• Kelly Osbourne

• Body Hair on Guys

• Reptiles

• A Wall Along the Mexican Border

• Text Message Flirting

• Porn

• Cottage Cheese

THINGS WITH AN APPROVAL RATING HIGHER THAN GEORGE W. BUSH

• Brussels Sprouts (51%)

• Coke Zero (41%)

• Hillary Duff (52%)

• Jennifer Love Hewitt (36%)

• Fruit Cake (40%)

• Kevin Federline (45%)

• Rosie O`Donnell on The View (46%)

• Crocheting (72%)

• Fishing (49%)

• Legalizing Prostitution (58%)

• The Dentist (45%)

• Hanson (53%)

• In-Laws (68%)

• Figs (76%)

• The Name "Shiloh Nouvel Jolie Pitt" (29%)

• Ciara`s Goodies (55%)

• The Pussy Cat Dolls (56%)

• Ryan Seacrest (60%)

• The "Dude, You`re getting a Dell!" Guy (42%)

• The Backstreet Boys (66%)

• Nickelback (57%)

• Sum 41 (63%)

• Hootie & The Blowfish (84%)

• Stepping in Dog Shit (35%)

• Walking in the Rain Without an Umbrella (60%)

• Small Breasts (50%)

• Getting Kicked in the Balls (41%)

The Superbowl in one picture.

This picture best sums up the Superbowl. You may have missed the game entirely, just glance at this pic, and you'll know all you need to know about what happened Sunday.

Prince photo from the Superbowl

Almost immediately this photo is on the net. Prince at the Superbowl performing behind a giant wind-blown - backlit - probably nylon cloth. There are cries of "Phallic!" No doubt the F.C.C. has been notified. Phallic? Maybe if Prince is a lizard - or from another planet - where their "members" are thin & long with arrows on the end. This was the best halftime in years, all courtesy of a little odd man from Minnesota.

The "Will your Marriage last?" quiz.

It's Wedding Month and you're in love, but do you have what it takes to live happily ever after? Thanks to a 22-question quiz from Dr. John Gottman of Washington University in St. Louis you can find out. Answer these 22 questions and then see below to find out what your answers mean.

1. I can name my partner's best friends.
2. I know what stresses my partner is currently facing.
3. I know the names of some people who have been irritating my partner lately.
4. I can tell you some of my partner's life dreams.
5. I know my partner's basic philosophy of life.
6. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
7. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well.
8. When we're apart, I think fondly of my partner.
9. I often touch or kiss my partner affectionately.
10. My partner really respects me.
11. There is passion in our relationship.
12. Romance is still part of our relationship.
13. My partner appreciates the things I do.
14. My partner likes my personality.
15. Our sex life is mostly satisfying.
16. At the end of the day my partner is glad to see me.
17. My partner is one of my best friends.
18. We just love talking to each other.
19. There is lots of give and take (both people have influence) in our discussions.
20. My partner listens respectfully even when we disagree.
21. My partner is usually a great help as a problem solver.
22. We generally mesh well on basic values and goals in life.

What your answers mean:

15 or more positive answers: You have a lot of strength in your relationship.

8 to 14 positive answers: This is a pivotal time in your relationship as there are strengths you can build upon, but do focus on the weaknesses that need your attention.

7 or fewer: Your relationship may be in serious trouble and could be headed for the rocks. If you're concerned about this, it means you probably still value the relationship enough to get help.

Books appear to be "over."

So you want to write a book. Well, why not? So does about 80 percent of the United States population according to a survey.

Anyone who has ever tried to find an agent or get a manuscript accepted by a publisher knows what a tough business writing is. Even if you do get your book published, there's no guarantee anyone will buy it.

The following statistics about book publishing and reading were found on www.parapub.com, the Web site of self-publishing guru Dan Poynter. They'll give you an idea of what you're up against if you want to write books for a living.

1/3 of high school graduates will never read another book for the rest of their lives.
42 percent of college graduates never read another book after college.
80 percent of U.S. families did not buy or read a book last year.
70 percent of U.S. adults have not been in a bookstore in the last five years.
57 percent of new books are not read to completion.
70 percent of books published do not earn back their advance.
70 percent of the books published do not make a profit.

A successful fiction book sells 5,000 copies.
A successful nonfiction book sells 7,500 copies.

On average, a bookstore browser spends 8 seconds looking at a book's front cover and 15 seconds looking at the back cover.

Each day in the U.S., people spend 4 hours watching TV, 3 hours listening to the radio and 14 minutes reading magazines.

I read nearly 300 pages a day, none from books.

Hillary Clinton Bathing Suit Photo.

Not that I'm doing a "Theme blog" where all the posts connect somehow - but another development on the bizarre "Googles" that bring people to this blog.

Recently I noticed I get traffic from people searching for "Hillary Clinton bathing Suit Photos."

Hillary Clinton? Spare me. Hillary? Good Lord man, of all the people I wanna see in a bathing suit, Hillary's gotta be last on the list. Hell, people would rather see ME in a bathing suit that Hillary.

The panties posts are still my top posts. This post is simply to satisfy the craving for this apparently elusive pic. Here it is.

Panties, Panties, Panties.

Less than 2 weeks ago I posted on this blog, my opinions about Katharine McPhee appearing in a record company ad - exposing what appeared to be her panties. Scroll down if you haven't read that post. I had never posted anything about panties before - (OK, I probably did - but I forget) - but what an interesting lesson I've learned.

This blog, as most others, is embedded with tracking software. I can see your IP address, what you look at, where you live, and what you searched for. This isn't "news" - certainly you knew everything we do here is traceable. What IS news is the traffic a "Panties post" generates.

Geez, there are perverted people on line. I could post what some of you are searching for, but it wouldn't be appropriate here. I am amazed at the "Panties hits" and the worlds apparent fascination with them. OK, I'm not amazed, but I'm shocked you're searching BLOGS for panties.

There are most certainly hundreds of sites devoted to panties and your quest for them - here, all you got was someone shocked at a talented girl exposing hers. I expect THIS post to generate even more traffic because of the title of the post. I'll get back to you on this societal development.

The WWW is the Wild Wild West

This is from cbs.com

15 Seconds If you had 15 seconds to tell the world whatever you want to, what would you say? Well, now's your chance to be seen and heard on national television, courtesy of CBS Interactive. Post your 15-second video on YouTube, and CBS Interactive will select one to be broadcast on TV. The winning entry will air on CBS on Super Bowl Sunday. Every two weeks, CBS Interactive will select five videos from the "15 Seconds on CBS YouTube" group and post them on cbs.com.

Click over to Youtube and see some of the entries. There are hundreds.

Over the last 18 months there has been a dramatic shift in how the networks deal with Youtube. Their initial reaction was: REMOVE THOSE VIDEOS! THIS IS COPYRIGHT CONTENT! Youtube then removed them - and soon thereafter they were re-posted with different titles. This cat & mouse game went on for months. CBS, FOX & ABC these days embraces the technology and actually PROVIDES video to the site. I imagine a whole new office has opened at these networks, full of people that do nothing all day but monitor & upload video to the site. Why not? It appears NBC is slagging behind here. They appear to want to have their content exclusive to nbc.com. That doesn't mean NBC content isn't on the site, it is - but NBC still has videos yanked.

Youtube and the like is the future. The Internet is the WILD WILD WEST - the Genie is out of the bottle and won't go back in, Pandoras box is wide open.

It's time all media embrace the Internet. Copyrights? Spare me. ASCAP, BMI? Gimme a break. Software, music, photography, movies and now television are now - and always be free on the Internet. There's no going backwards. If you're willing to search, EVERYTHING is online - and it's all gratis.

This is how I'd spend my 15 seconds in CBS' contest. That last paragraph verbatim.

I prefer bad breath to Hillary Clinton.

This post won't generate much traffic. Frankly, I'm posting this just for me. Sometimes it feels good just to get your feelings out. This blog acts as therapy - and at bargain basement prices.

I can't stand Hillary Clinton. I resist saying hate, but my feelings are just short of hate. To hate her, I'd need to meet her in person. Then, I'm sure I would hate her. But, suffice it for now, I dis-like her very much. Other things I abhor come to mind. (Did I say abhor?) I don't like brussel sprouts, crying babies & rap music. I'm not fond of flat tires, skipping CD's & stains on the carpet. I can't stand the smell of women getting a perm, playing soccer, bad breath & pens that explode ink inside my shirt pocket - yet I prefer all these things to Hillary Clinton.

Why do I dislike this woman so much? I thought she held up well during Bills shenanigans, so what could it be? I know what it is plain & simple. She thinks she's smarter than me. She thinks she's smarter than anyone in the room. The "vibe" she gives off - comes from way over my head, and she feels the need to talk down to me. She is the polar opposite of Bill (I wasn't crazy about him either) - but he connected to people in a way she never will. I ask myself if she has a chance receiving votes from "regular people." These are the voters in the "fly over" states - the red states in between New York & California (The whole country) I see Homer, Ed & Jimmy sitting at a coffee shop in Springfield Missouri drinking coffee. Hillary sees herself as intellectually superior to these people. She may be, but has to be able to relate to them. Bill could - Hillary can't.

So Hillary is the front runner. According to whom? Average Americans? She is incapable of relating with an Average American. She relates to her own kind - loudmouth, activist, know-it-all, I know better than you, let me show you the way liberals - and there aren't enough of them to ever put her in the White House.

There. Done. That felt good.

Obama SMOKES!!!!!!

John Gibson, Fox News Channel:

"Sure he's young, sure he's charismatic, but what do we really know about Barack Obama? And what does he really stand for? Obama is the kind of presidential hopeful who appeals to the masses. He portrays himself as a political moderate, but he's much more liberal than he says he is. And his team works overtime trying to hide Obama's dirty little secret. He is -- get this -- a cigarette smoker. The point is: What else do we not know about Barack Obama? America seems to love him now, but will we still love him tomorrow?

I love Fox News. I love the graphic they ran.

What I wanna know is, WOULD YOU VOTE FOR A FAT CANDIDATE?

Spanish American War Refund

The IRS is set to return money collected via Americans' phone bills to pay for the Spanish-American War,

Bizarre though it may be, we've all been socked on our phone bills with an excise tax that went into effect long ago to pay for the Spanish-American War.

A Federal Excise Tax is still there. You'll find it listed on your bill, too.

If your monthly bill amounts to around $100, at the current 3% rate for the tax (which has been as high as 25% in past years), you'll be paying $3 per month for this tax, or $36 per year. Heavy phone users might pay $100 or more per year. All to pay for the Spanish-American War.

Fortunately, once this tax started getting some press, no one could really defend it.

The tax has indeed finally come to an end, and we're even being offered refunds.

The money is out there for you -- you just have to jump through a few hoops to get it.

Here are a few things to know, courtesy from the Internal Revenue Service:

* You are to claim the refund on the 2006 tax form that you file in 2007.

* You can opt for a standard refund of $30 (if you have one exemption), $40 (if you have two), $50 (if you have three) or $60 (if you have more). This option requires no documentation from you.

* If you have (or want to go through the trouble of procuring) your telephone bill statements from March 2003 to July 2006, you can get a refund based on amounts you were actually charged. In most cases, this can amount to a lot more than the standard refund -- perhaps as much as $100 to $300 for many of us. You'll need to fill out IRS Form 8913 for this.

You didn't this was going to be super easy did you?

Fox under fire for broadcast

I've always had a soft spot in my heart for anyone who can manage to squeeze the word "Fuck" into a national telecast. It's not often that a crowd shot overshadows a playoff game, but this screen shot from the Eagles/Saints game this past weekend has been stuck in my head.

This gal made the broadcast for all of 7 seconds. (Maybe the TV camera monitor was fogged up - of the Director was stoned.) This gal makes news two times today. First, Maxim magazine wants to know who she is. They want to do a photo shoot with her. If you recognize her, contact Maxim. And, (drum roll) - The director of the Parents Television Council is telling its members to complain to the Federal Communications Commission.

The director of the activist group says, "There is no doubt that this was an intentional airing of patently offensive language on the public airwaves."

I wore the exact same shirt on the air this morning - and didn't get one complaint.

Hold your wee for a Wii.

This was a radio promotion at a station in Sacramento. Contestants drank water and he who held it the longest without going to the restroom - won the Nintendo Wii. Seems simple. Radio stations conduct contests like this every day. This contest killed a woman. A 28 year old mother, trying to win the game system for her kids, overdosed on water (water intoxication) - and died.

The first thing I asked myself was, could I ever have been dumb enough to conduct this contest? Even with hindsight - (and it's 20/20 and all) - I would have never ever been a part of a contest like this. With any thought at all - an educated person would conclude this contest was "risky" at best. The radio hosts and the management should have thought it through. Certainly they would have discovered the risk. Hell, a simple phone call to a family doctor would've alerted them to the possibility of disaster. They apparently didn't make the call. The contest went on - and the lady died.

Now, the fallout. The radio stations company, Entercom, is trying to "distance" themselves from the whole thing. Entercom has "suspended" the morning show - whom they apparently blame for the incident. Undoubtedly, they'll claim the whole thing was the idea and creation of the morning show - and they had nothing to do with it. This of course, to cover their asses in the sure to follow - lawsuit.

This is as wrong as wrong can be. Entercom brass in Sacramento knew completely what their morning show was doing. It's on the air!!!!! This promotion might not have been sent to the company lawyers, but certainly the station PD & GM knew what was going on. What happened was preventable - Entercom didn't prevent it - and they'll have to pay. Legally, this is open & shut. I feel badly for the family of the dead contestant - but I also feel badly for the stupid on air people - who've been abandoned by their company. They were no doubt dumb, but in this case this was a collaboration in "group stupidity".

I have a Yard-O-Beef.

Christmas was over 3 weeks ago, and I'm barely three inches in - on my Yard-O-Beef. This is a indication of one of two things. Either, I have become the most completely hard to buy for person ever - OR, my family doesn't give a rats ass about my Christmas present. Imagine my glee, as I tore the paper off the cylindrical gift. I thought for a moment I was going to unwrap a sex toy.

Three pounds of summer sausage goodness, compliments of Hillshire Farms and their exclusive Yard-O-Beef distributor, Sams Club. Research has proven to Hillshire Farms that if you're gonna attempt to sell the worlds largest chunk of processed meat - Sams Club is the place to do it. Sams customers are already accustomed to Wheel-O-Cheese & Barrel-O-Nuts.

I'll eat this thing at a rate of about an inch a week. I expect to take a full 36 weeks. That's 8 months. To make it to next Christmas they need a "Five Feet-O-Beef." That's what I want next year.

Saints can't beat Little Sisters of the Poor.

Bears & Saints for the NFC title Sunday. Vegas says Bears by 3. I'm a "Johnny come lately - only watch the playoffs" football fan - so I offer no insight really - except to explain a little of what the New Orleans Saints are all about. I lived in New Orleans during the Bum Phillips /Kenny Stabler years and for a while under Jim Mora. The dome was always sold out. New Orleanians support the Saints no matter what the record is. Remember the bags on the heads? They were worn by paying fans in seats at the games. In New Orleans they celebrate the team despite the win - loss record. In the years the team was lackluster - fans celebrated their "badness." In better years, fans celebrated the "possibility" of greatness. Make no mistake, the Saints are the Chicago Cubs of pro football. The Bears have a rich tradition of greatness. The Saints have a rich tradition of ineptitude. There was even a joke - book. "The Saints couldn't even beat the Little Sisters of the Poor." (Pictured)

To Bears fans Sundays match up is a game. To Saints fans this is a dream. If it's in the cards for the Saints to lose, at least let the game be close - so these rabid - loyal South Louisiana fans can hold onto the dream as long as possible. Listen to me - their dream has been realized already, my God they're gonna party Sunday - no matter what the score.