Tuesday, May 09, 2006
David Blaine tried to hold his breath for 9 minutes. He failed. He made it just over 7 minutes. Encased inside a sphere full of salt water in New York, David Blaine tried to set the breath holding world record. ABC television and it's 225 affiliates were reduced to a camera shot of a man underwater holding his breath for 7 big minutes. The combined wattage of 225 television stations is, well, alot. That's all ABC broadcast - a man - underwater - holding his breath. There was a 90 minute build-up "pre-breath holding show" - that led up to the event I can't wipe from my mind. I will forever remember this stupid moment - because I will never regain those 2 hours I wasted. On my deathbed - I'll likely try to negotiate with the Lord to have those 2 hours returned to me. I feel this way about the breath holding event - not David Blaine. Millions of us in unison watched this drivel. Why? What's become of us as a society? Are we so hungry for entertainment that we'd watch a man hold his breath on network television? I guess so - and it's sad. David is obviously a talented magician. ABC has already signed him to do 3 more specials. Where does he go from here? David Blaine will place his head in a microwave oven for 10 minutes? David Blaine will let an Elephant stand on his foot for 15 minutes? David Blaine will jump from a plane with no parachute from 10,000 feet!!! David Blaine will eat a live cat! David Blaine will put his feet in quick set concrete and be thrown into the Hudson river while on fire! David Blaine will brew coffee with heat generated by his mind!!! I could produce these specials. They'd all generate ratings. Spots would sell for tens of thousands of dollars - because David Blaine is today's Houdini - and will keep the stunts coming until he kills himself on live television. Who's worse? Blaine or us? Blaine, for sucking us into his deathwish - or us for falling prey to this shock-tainment. Watching a man's body shut down from oxygen deprivation on television was uncomfortable at best. When he hits the ground at 100 miles per hour after jumping from the plane with no parachute - it'll be ugly. ABC will be investigated. We'll all wonder how it came to this. Shock-tainment - you read it here first.