I am not pathetic enough to win

Viewers of "Three Wishes" & "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" - don't look for me anytime soon, I am not pathetic enough. The allure of these shows I was led to believe was - you could apply - and possibly win. I don't have cancer. I have all my limbs. No-one close to me has died. I have not been in a horrific accident. There has been no catastrophic fire, nor am I on any public aid. Each week these shows find a family, or in the case of "Three Wishes" - an entire town - that is suffering some calamity. We let out a collective "awwww" - as the show makes these peoples lives better. I live in a comfortable home that could use some updating. I'd love to have Ty build on another floor and install One Million dollars worth of Kenmore appliances. I have wishes too. I'd love to have an indoor pool. I'd like a wraparound driveway. I'd like a live-in maid. Amy Grant could get me the maid, and Ty could build her a room. I love those giant plasma TV's. Everyone seems to get them. It's as if a plasma TV can replace Dads arms he lost in the power saw accident. I won't bother applying to appear on these shows. They'd look at my application and find a hard time shedding even a single tear. The only person left crying is me - because tragedy hasn't struck me to the degree I'd need to win.