Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I have lost my "Mustache Confidence"


I have a mustache. I've had it almost 30 years. My first attempts at a mustache didn't go so well. I remember early on - it came in blonde - and was hard to see. It took my body a while to accumulate enough testosterone to produce a manly mustache. It's not a problem now. I have what I call a "Sam Elliott" mustache. San Elliott, one of the greatest mustaches of my generation. My Dad still has a mustache. He used to look like Burt Reynolds. Remember how great Robert Redford looked with a mustache in Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid? In my eyes - manly men - have mustaches. Is this truth - or just an illusion?

New polls of women indicate the "mustache reign" is over. Nearly 2/3 of women - find mustaches NOT SEXY. Women prefer men with clean shaves. No beards, no mustaches, no sideburns - nothing. Just clean shaved men. This is why I have lost my "mustache confidence". I'm not sure why I hold onto this outdated idea of macho. Today, the best mustaches are on the guys in porn movies. I certainly don't want to be associated with that group.

I want to be lumped in with Tom Sellick & Clark Gable. Instead I'm compared with Weird Al Yankovich & Mario from the video game.

There is just one good mustache on TV these days. John Stossel on ABC. Thank God for John - but you can bet ABC has pressured him to shave it off. In reality, for every great man with a mustache, there is a turd with one. Saddam Hussein & Hitler come to mind.

Women. What do they know? Not sexy? Mustaches will come back, and even though I may have lost my "mustache mojo", I'll keep mine. My Wilford Brimley mustache. After all, I look more like Wilford, than Sam Elliott.