Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Me? "Mr. Home Improvement"? Nope.

I have a beautiful home. It's tastefully decorated. It's a new construction home that I had built just over 10 years ago. No one has ever lived in the home but me. It's laid out the way I want it. Now, 10 years later, little improvements are being made. The "girl channels" on TV lead me to believe I should participate in decorating. HGTV, Discovery & TLC shows make decorating and home improvement seem so easy. These shows often show dramatic changes being made to homes - that always conclude in one hour, sometimes 30 minutes. What we miss watching these shows, is often several days pass. Often paint is spilled. Countertops are cut too small. New windows don't fit the openings. The new stove blows all the fuses. People fall off ladders. Husbands and wives argue to the point of divorce. These are the moments that get edited from the shows. I've never seen a wife throw a staple gun at her husband on one of these shows - but I know it's happened. Why then, do couples take on these projects? Isn't a relationship worth more than new cabinets? Isn't a copacetic lifestyle worth more than new hardwood floors? Married couples take the decorating leap of faith everyday - coaxed by these oversimplified TV shows. The shows always end with "the reveal". This is where the homeowners get to see the finished project. They always say, "Oh, it's so beautiful". Then, the camera turns off - and the wife clocks the husband. Every home has projects that need to be done. Walls need to be moved. Closets need to be built. Faucets need to be installed.

Do what I do and save your marriage. Call a professional. Write a check. It's what Dr. Phil would do.