Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Bacon flap lifters.

I can go to the grocery store in 20 minutes. I can buy $200 in groceries in 20 minutes. I can follow the list, get everything I need, pay for it - and be out in 20 minutes. How is this possible you ask? You probably take longer. You probably inspect the bacon.

Every grocery store has the bacon area. It's where you find all the bacon packages from numerous bacon companies. Who doesn't like bacon. You're likely out of bacon right now, because you ate it all. Maybe your favorite store has 10 brands of bacon. Let's say there are 15 packages of bacon per brand. That means you are confronted with 150 packages of bacon for your consideration. Most of the packages are really boxes over vacuum packed bags. There is a little flap in the back to lift and inspect the bacon from a horizontal long cut side view. This flap is my flap.

There are women that must lift the flap. They must lift the flap of each of the 150 bacons. They must be assured that of all the available bacons that day - they purchased the most pleasing, desirable bacon. I'm not really sure what makes a bacon pleasing - I imagine a meaty bacon is best - I'm not sure. Hell, bacon is mostly fat anyway - that's what makes it bacon - as opposed to ham.
This liftable flap is why many women can't compete with my 20 minute shopping trip. Some women, I know more than a few - take a full 20 minutes just selecting the bacon. Flap lifters lift their flaps - then sloppily toss their reject bacons back into the bacon bin. I know they do because I've never bought a bacon that hadn't had it's flap dislodged. It's disheartening to know all the bacon I've ever eaten is an unknown flap lifters reject bacon. Stop the bacon madness.

Microwave bacon. It's here now - and it's the future of bacon. Not overpriced, much less grease to contend with and best of all - flapless. I'm a convert if only because I know the package hasn't been handled & rejected by a flap lifter. If microwave bacon companies institute flaps in the future, I swear I'm switching to sausage.


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Anonymous said...

I love bacon too. Go Bacon. I picked Bacon to win the NCAA Tournament.

Dog. said...

Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon!!!

sammich said...

The wind blew the bacon off my BLT, leaving me only L and T. I like bacon more than L and T put together, so I discarded the sandwich. I'll try again on a less windy day.

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