Friday, March 31, 2006

I long for an Ugly Obese Widow


This - my friend - is truth in advertising. Straight from the New York Post. Finally, someone is telling the bitter, brutal truth in a personal ad. For years personal ads have used CODE WORDS. Here are a few:

Affectionate (Possessive) Artist (Unreliable) Athletic (Flat-chested) Average-looking (Ugly) Beautiful (Pathological liar) Commitment-minded (Pick out curtains, now!) Communication important (Just try to get a word in edgewise) Contagious Smile (Bring your penicillin) Educated (College dropout) Emotionally Secure (Medicated) Employed (Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home) Enjoys art and opera (Snob) Enjoys Nature (Bring your own granola) Exotic Beauty (Would frighten a Martian) Free spirit (Substance user) Friendship first (Trying to live down reputation as slut) Fun (Annoying) Good Listener (Borderline Autistic) Humorous (Caustic) Intuitive (Your opinion doesn't count) In Transition (Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills) Light drinker (Lush) Looks younger (If viewed from far away in bad light) Loves Travel (If you're paying) Loves Animals (Cat lady) New-Age (All body hair, all the time) Non-traditional (Ex-husband lives in the basement) You get the idea.

Ugly & Obese deserves a pat on the back for her truthfulness. This might go down in history as the very first legit personal ad. She should be lauded. This moment should be celebrated. Others should follow suit.

If I were older and unmarried - I'd call this woman. She's my kinda girl.