Sunday, March 05, 2006

The Biggest SUV yet.


Remember the Hummer the first time you saw it? You were blown away at it's sheer size. It was heavy & wide with giant wheels. It was being used by the military and we applauded when the consumer version came out. The Hummer made even the largest truck look puny. Now, we're in Iraq and the insurgents are pissing us off. The roadside bombs have taken their toll. Force Protection, a company in South Carolina, has come to the rescue.

Meet the "COUGAR". This baby is an armored 6 x 6 that carries 14 people. It dwarfs the Hummer. The Cougar is in production right now. It's 450 horsepower and 45,000 pounds of American made truck baby. The "Buffalo Cougar" even has a "claw" on the front that scoops up and detonates enemy mines like stepping on chewing gum. These trucks weigh as much as seven GMC Yukon XL Denalis, and get about 5 miles per gallon. This, my truck drivin' friend, is travelin' in style. They cost just under $1 million each, and our Government has placed orders. Yes! Let's skip ahead about five years.

You're at the grocery store. As you pull in, there's a 30 year old soccer mom coming out. A store employee is pushing her cart and is going to load her groceries. He shouts, "Damn, Lady!" - as he spots her ride. He then loads her groceries into her 45,000 pound, 450 horsepower SUV. It's taking up three parking spaces. She opens the drivers side door and smacks the Buick parked next to it. The sheer weight of the door knocks the Buick into the next space and causes $9000 damage. She leaves a note on the Buicks windshield. Her husband rests easy knowing his wife will make it home in one piece with the groceries, even if she did burn $15 in gas just running to the store.

Pick up a Cougar soon, at your local Cougar dealership. Finance it for 60 months. Be the first on the block to sink into the asphalt on a hot day.