I gave up on Best Buy and you should too.

Read. Read all you can. The information is out there. Read, and you'll never step inside a Best Buy ever again.

Great story recently about a man who bought a Tony Bennett CD. He took it outside and placed it in his car stereo. The CD was defective. He walked back inside with receipt in hand and asked for a refund. He was told that was impossible. He asked to speak with management and Best Buy called 911. Not one, but two cars with officers respond to embarrass the customer.

There's the story about the woman who bought the Sony camcorder and the box contained pasta sauce. Best Buy wouldn't resolve the situation - Sony stepped in to remedy things and stop the bad press.

There's the man who bought a car stereo and was told installation was free. Upon installation, and he met "free installation criteria" - he was told of a charge. he refused, and cops were called.

I had a similar situation years ago. My wife bought me a pair of expensive headphones, that were one model number away from the ones I really wanted. Best Buy didn't sell the model I wanted, and refused to refund the money. That day, I decided to never shop Best Buy again. I've held true to that commitment.

Best Buy isn't the Best Buy anyway. They should be re-named "Best Selection" - but I want a Best Buy - and I find that elsewhere.

The way this company treats customers is outrageous. It's time they get a wake up call.

Read. Search out the company complaints. These guys have run amok.

The ego maniacal, loud mouth, tyrant is gone. I have Iraqi friends. We're in agreement, this is a (to borrow from Martha Stewart) "Good Thing."

President Bush is a Hero

President George W. Bush, vilified by many, supported by some, is a hero to me.

Why do I say that? It's not because I agree with the President's domestic agenda. It's not because I think he's done a perfect job in the White House.

George Bush is a hero to me because he has courage. The President does what he believes to be in the best interest of the United States. He sticks with his beliefs, no matter how intense the criticism and invective that are directed against him every day.

The enormous defeat President Bush suffered with the loss of both Houses of Congress has not caused him to retreat from his position that the U.S. alone now stands between a radical Islamic takeover of many of the world's governments in the next 30 or more years. If that takeover occurs, we will suffer an enslavement that will threaten our personal freedoms and take much of the world back into the Dark Ages.

Our major ally in this war against the forces of darkness, Great Britain, is still being led by an outstanding prime minister, Tony Blair. However, Blair will soon be set out to pasture, which means Great Britain will leave our side and join France, Germany, Spain and other countries that foolishly believe they can tame the wolf at the door and convert it into a domestic pet that will live in peace with them.

These dreamers naively believe that if we feed the wolves what they demand, they will go away. But that won't happen. Appeasement never works. The wolves always come back for more and more, and when we have nothing left to give, they come for us.

This is what I and many of you believe, but these are the words of former New York Mayor, Ed Koch 12/28/06 on realclearpolitics.com.

I made the news today

I took over a TV station today. It created quite a scene. I apologize for any inconvenience it may have caused. I'll go back to the faceless radio where I belong.

This is what I want.

What do I want for Christmas? I've told my people what I want. Several items. Several times this year - I've more than dropped a few hints. I don't think anyone was listening. I'm at that point I'm gonna get what I get - and what I want is beside the point. I'm OK with that. I have to be. This is a fact of life. There comes a time - there is nothing you can do - that you barely "get"anything at all. I surrender to the "gift giver", and will be pleased with anything.

This doesn't stop me though from dropping one last hint for anyone in my family reading this.

Where are all the chestnuts?

Chestnuts roasting by an open fire. I've had the fire, never a chestnut. Not even once. Roasted? Nope. I've never heard them, "pop, pop, pop." It appears chestnuts are a regional thing - mostly the East coast. Maybe that's why I haven't had a chestnut. I don't know much about chestnuts really. I know they are grown on trees and shrubs. I hear that they smell bad. Europeans and Asians eat more chestnuts than Americans. The American chestnut has nearly vanished because of disease. The trees & shrubs suffered a "blight." Awwwwww.

Nevertheless, if you get a chestnut and are hell-bent on roasting it, make sure you cut a slit in the top of each individual nut - because they don't "pop" - they are known to EXPLODE. Experts say 200-220 degrees for about 15 minutes in a shallow pan oughta do it.

Now, about Jack Frost nipping at my nose. It's not my nose he nips at - it's lower - lower - right there. That's where I am "nipped."

Grand Canyon to get glass bottom view.

An Indian tribe is luring tourists out over the edge of the Grand Canyon on a glass-bottom observation deck 4,000 feet above the Colorado River, (toss cookies.) It’s called the Skywalk, a horseshoe-shaped walkway that will jut from the canyon’s lip and offer a straight-down, (barf).... vertigo-inducing view, (puke.)

The $30 million Skywalk, (upchuck) is financed by a Las Vegas businessman, (pray to the porcelin God) and set to open in March, (blow lunch) It's also started a debate among Hualapai elders who question whether making money is worth disturbing sacred ground, (spew.) The Hualapai believe their ancestors emerged from the earth of the Grand Canyon, (heave) and the area surrounding the project is scattered with the tribe’s sacred archaeological and burial sites, (vomit.)

SCIENTISTS SAY SANTA CAN DO IT IN ONE NIGHT

Scientists claimed to have proven that Santa’s journey to all the world’s children in one night IS possible. According to Larry Silverberg, a professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering at North Carolina State University - Santa gets the job done using electromagnetic waves, computer science, nanotechnology, genetic engineering and the space-time continuum.

His journey is helped out by a “relativity cloud” — based on Einstein’s discovery that time can be stretched and space squeezed. The scientist says, “Rips in time allow Santa months to deliver presents while only minutes pass on Earth.”

An on-board SatNav prepares a detailed route, while the sleigh is pulled by reindeer genetically bred to fly and balance on rooftops. There are no weight problems as the toys are built only when Santa reaches each child’s home, using a nano-toymaker to create them from soot.

So - “Santa’s trip is possible and based on plausible science.”

That oughta shut up the nay sayers.

Santa hangs.

Bah Humbug! A Canadian man has upset some people, after he put an effigy of Santa Claus on a cross on his front lawn to make a statement about the orgy of consumption in the modern world. Above Santa's head, the man has inscribed the words 'Sumptum Fac Donec Consumptus Sis.' Roughly translated, it means 'Shop till you drop.'

The man (Jimmy Wright) says, "Santa represents frivolous consumption. That's all he is. He shot Jesus right out of the saddle. He's the focus of Christmas."

Be glad you don't live next door to this twerp.

Santa makes kids cry!

It's that special time of the year. Time to drag the kids to the mall and place them on Santas lap! Kids love Santa - can't you tell? Kids love being placed on a strange mans lap. The proof is right here. Look at the joy in their screaming faces as they yell with glee. I've heard from mall Santas. They complain of being coughed & sneezed on. Today I got a letter from a Santa complaining of being peed on. Apparently this happens often. Next time you drag your kid to the mall for the Santa visit, consider the trauma you may be putting this poor kid through. "Waaaaaaaahhhhh." "Shut Up kid - it's SANTA!!!"

Phil Spectors' hair about to go on trial.

This is comedy. Pure comedy. Not that someone died at Phil Spectors' house - but Phil Spector himself. Look at this man.

Lana Clarkson, an actress wound up dead - shot to death in Spectors' California mansion in 2003. The legal wrangling has continued since - with Phil free on bond. The trial is set to begin in March. This will be a media spectacle "who-done-it." I won't speculate here on his guilt or innocence. What I will say is, "What is the deal with his hair!!!!!!??"

THIS IS A TOUPEE. I kid you not. Phil Spector is bald as a door-knob. He wears this basketball sized thing on his head day & night. Yes. He wears this to bed. Ronnie Spector, his ex-wife, reports that she's NEVER seen him without it - and they were married six years!!!!! A toupee is one thing, this contraption is something else entirely. If I were Spectors' lawyer, my first advice would be, "Lose the hair." A jury will decide this mans guilt or innocence based on among other things, his grip on reality. Phil has obviously, "lost his grip."

Ameren customers are not this happy.

What's wrong with this picture. This is from the Ameren Power company website. This is a woman calling Ameren to report a problem with service. She looks so pleased that someone answered. She's obviously grateful to make it through the busy signals. So what is her problem? This woman has power. Look! She has lights and is using her laptop! Her hair looks nice. She's used a hairdryer and had a hot shower. I can tell. It appears to be over 40 degrees in her kitchen. This is another sign this photo is staged. Ameren reports nearly 500,000 people without power after the Midwest snow & ice storms. The website should reflect the reality of it all. The picture on the website should be that of a frozen blue-lipped, limp-haired, tired, hungry, customer needing a shower.

Your tongue is stuck - not mine.

What is it with people that stick their tongues on ice cold metal? Is it that they don't believe they'll get stuck? With the nations mid-section gripped with cold weather, there are stories everyday of people of all ages becoming stuck and requiring rescue. A girl in Springfield Missouri just yesterday became stuck, and when kids ran to get her parents, the parents arrived with hot water and a camera. This is what you need to rescue a tongue sticker. Remember the camera - you'll want to re-live the moment of stupidity for the rest of your life. What the world needs is a Teflon coated non stick flagpole. Or, as in the case of the dude at the left, a Teflon coated non stick railing.

Weathermen are full of it.

I know I'm part of the problem. I too, broadcast weather forecasts. I'm not professionally trained. I don't have an AMA seal or a NOAA seal - or even like seals (as in Sea World.) I mostly rely on the Weather Channel & Weather Service forecasts. Often, they're different. On those days, I split the difference and "my" forecast becomes a meld of the two. Sometimes, I'll check Accuweather - and my forecast will be a consensus of three forecasts.

The forecast for my area today is snow & ice. One forecast says 6-12 inches. One says, 8-12 & one says 10-20 inches!!! Everyone agrees we'll have ice before the snow event. Take my word for it - even with those dire predictions of snow, there is a 50% chance - we'll get considerably less. There have been days I cried "Snow" - and it didn't manage even a flurry. There have been days I predicted sunshine - and it snowed 9 inches. On those days I feel as if I've misled people. I get discouraged, and wonder, "Maybe I should have looked at just two more forecasts and broadcast the sum of five forecasts."

Don't let your weatherman or the latest Doppler technology fool you. You're as likely as anyone to know what the weather is going to do - if you stick your head out a window.

Make your kids believers in Santa

Wanna convince your kids there REALLY IS A SANTA CLAUS?? I know how. I've done it. I had my son believing until he was 13 - I so completely convinced him. Here's how step by step.
What you need: 1, Two walkie talkies. Don't use a phone - or cheapo $10 toy walkie talkies. 2, A friend with a car that has a car stereo. 3, A sound effect of wind that will play on your friends car stereo. That's it.

In the days leading up to Christmas announce that you have special information about Santa flying over your house. You also have info of Santas' special frequency in which to raise Santa with your Walkie talkies. At a pre determined time, have your friend park down the street. Have them BLAST the wind sound effect on their car stereo at a high volume. Make the sound effect long, as you have no idea how long the conversation might last. Key the mic and ask for Santa. What comes out the little speaker will blow your mind. The wind effect alone will sell this bit, as it'll be hard to hear Santa over the noise - making it impossible to recognize who Santa might be. Put your kids on with Santa and tell them their time is limited. Instruct Santa to drive away after about 3 minutes. His signal will become more faint as he drives - as if he's really flying over. Eventually you won't be able to hear Santa at all - but your kids will believe with complete certainty that they have in fact actually spoken with the jolly old elf.

Dora looks like, well, ya know.

What do you suppose Dora will explore with this? Christ! Didn't the designers step look back and see what they'd created?

Meet the Dora Aquapet from Wild Planet Toys
Features include:
~~ Interactive pet - fun for all!
~~ Interacts with you and other Aquapets!
How fun.

"Honey stop playing with your aquapet. Honey? Honey? HONEY!!!!!"

Where's the voter fraud?

Before the mid term elections - the Liberal left was screaming the Republicans were going to steal the elections by manipulating electronic voting. The consensus was, and I say consensus because, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, ABC, CBS and even HBO reported how easy it was to alter results on Diebold voting machines. The stories were nightly right up to and including election day. The case was being made ahead of time that if the elections went the Republicans way, Diebold machines and underhanded Republicans were to blame. You no doubt, saw the stories. The Dems were accusing the Republicans of cheating before the fact. That's not entirely true, the Dems have been crying foul for years - accusing anyone who'd listen that they were being slighted.

Behold. The Democrats sweep. Two stories are blatantly missing from national media. #1, the Republicans crying voter fraud. #2, The Democrats saying anything at all. SHHHHH. The election went our way, maybe we oughta shut up. If there was any fraud in 2000 or 2004 - how would Republican vote hackers allow what happened - to happen? That's my point. If Republicans were prone to stealing elections, November 7th would have been a good time to keep with tradition.

My three favorite Bond characters

Bond is back in the new Casino Royale. Remember the original Casino Royale? Over 30 years ago. Look it up. This brings me to my three favorite Bond characters. Everyone argues about "The best Bond." They're all good. It's the supporting cast that make the movies good for me. Thousands have appeared in Bond movies. After careful consideration, I have selected my top three Non Bond characters ever. I don't know why these three stuck with me all these years, but I always root for these three. Unfortunately, Bond killed them all.


Charles Gray, the Best Blofeld. There have been many Blofelds. Telly Savalas & Donald Pleasance come to mind. This Blofeld makes you want to shoot him in the forehead with a rock climbing rope shooting gun.




Peter Franks about to eat it in Diamonds are Forever. He really gives Bond a run for his money, but in the end - as always - dies. Bond stole this mans identity before anyone knew what identity theft was. AND killed him. I think Franks got a raw deal.



The ugliest Russian woman ever. In all Bond Movies. Not all Russian women look like this. Don't you think that maybe this woman was a way to "stick it to" the Russians during the cold war? Her parody is in the Austin Powers movies. Still ugly.

Mexican Thanksgiving

Turkey. Dressing. Green bean casserole. Please. For the love of God and all things Holy - can't we begin to mix it up? I want Mexican. What's wrong with Thanksgiving tacos? How about Burritos? I love nachos. Isn't this holiday all about family? Of course it is. If the fam is in place, no meal should be off limits. Do it right though. Warm the tortillas. Shred your own cheese. make fresh guacamole. Make homemade salsa. Don't forget the re-fried beans & sour cream.

Get with this Mexican program people. You'll define the holiday in a most unique way - as unique as the people that make up your family. Why are we in lock step with this turkey "tradition?" Hell, the Pilgrims didn't even have turkey - they ate eel. Does Butterball have an eel?

When everyone shows up for your Mexican Fiesta Thanksgiving - they may at first be taken aback - but I guarantee they'll talk about the moment all year long - until next Thanksgiving - when you get around to serving eel.

The end of Newspapers?

Not my prediction. Experts in the newspaper business say that newspapers - as we know them - may be done in 5 years! Circulation is down everywhere. Americans are now getting the news they read - online. Papers are expected to offer their stories online for free. The days of the printed paper on the doorstep appear to be numbered. Who saw this coming? Newspapers, even in secondary markets have been traditional moneymakers. Tens of millions in ad revenue easily - because rarely does a market have more than one paper. If an advertiser wanted to see their name in print - they had to pay whatever the paper asked. Now, just a few years after the advent of the Internet - papers are reporting dwindling profits. The cash cow days appear to be over. Newspapers are for sale. In my city - our 175 year old newspaper is for sale. Why not? It'll never be worth more than it is today. Next week it'll be worth less.

In my 30 years in the radio business, my stations have always had to compete with other broadcast companies for ad revenue. Newspapers mostly had the print media ad revenue all to themselves. Now, that the media itself is dying - it's time for newspapers to re-invent themselves.

A hard copy - paper paper - is important. It's an archive of time. Papers are a hands on record.
This tradition must continue - but at a cost. Newspapers must embrace the Internet & sell ad space online. Newspapers must do the same things the record companies are facing. ADDED VALUE. More inserts. Better artwork. Freebies. Don't laden me with 5 pounds of newsprint containing your advertisements. Laden me with 5 pounds of value. Cut back on your advertising - like radio had to do to compete. Make your paper better. This is the only way for the newspaper business to survive. The clock is ticking. Your own experts give you 5 years.

8000 Calorie Burger

What can I say? Get me to Tempe Arizona and the HEART ATTACK GRILL (yes, that's the name) - for the QUADRUPLE BYPASS BURGER (yes, that's the name.)

8000 calories of goodness, served by a waitress dressed like a nurse. Upon eating it, you're rolled to your car in a wheelchair.

The restaurants slogan? "The taste worth dying for."
(Yes, that's the slogan.)

44 west to 40 west to 17 south. Go there now.

Asleep on the job.

This is the scene at NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center. Behold the Payload Operations Center, which manages the science operations of the international space station. I've had it with the private sector. Get me a Government gig!

Did I become a Democrat or what?

I am an overly optimistic person. I awaken each day believing it will be a nice day. Every day can't of course, be a nice day - some days are crappy days. Politically, yesterday was a crappy day. But, me with my eager outlook, woke up today in a good mood. I felt rested, laughed at it all this morning - and suddenly realized I may have a problem. Was my mood possibly associated with my subconsciously switching parties last night? Have I become a Democrat? I do like winners after all. Maybe, watching the returns last night, the moment it looked like the Dems were gonna take the House, I mentally switched parties! Maybe I so badly wanted to be on the winning team, I switched sides! My God - what will my family think? My deceased Grandmother raised me to be a staunch Republican since birth. The political leanings of my family are actually a little right of the John Birch Society - we just don't carry guns. What will my Mother think? I will no longer be able to talk to my father. My brothers will resent me. My oldest son will stop coming over. I thought I hated Nancy Pelosi. Maybe I was wrong all along and had been brainwashed - last night coming to my senses!!! Will I vote for Hillary or Obama in two years? Will I finally see something redeeming in Ted Kennedy? And Al Gore & John Kerry - Oh Gore & Kerry - will I now see their unique point of view?

This feeling though quickly passed. I realized it was simply a sunny beautiful day in November that was causing me to be in a good mood. Then, upon reflecting on the Democratic wins last night, I developed acid reflux.

Election Day. John Kerry tells more jokes.

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 10, but 15 if the blondes are some of our nation's farmers.

Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults constituents!
Interrupting Politician who accidentally insults const—
SENIOR CITIZENS ARE LAZY!

Last night I had this dream that I was eating a giant marshmallow and when I woke up, my pillow was gone! I'm thinking it was probably stolen by a WWII veteran and sold for drugs.

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Get out. God is dead and religion is the opiate of the masses.”

Q: How do you know an elephant's been in your refrigerator?
A: By the footprints in the ashes of 911 victims. I mean, 911 victims' pizza. Wait a second. Just pizza.

Q: What do you get when you cross a teacher with a vampire?
A: A teacher who gives blood tests, but remains employed due to the strength of corrupt unions.

Take my wife, please. Seriously, women are useless.

Three men are stranded on an island when they find an old lamp. They rub it. Suddenly, a genie appears and offers to grant them each one wish. The first man wishes to be off the island and, poof, he's gone. The second man wishes to be off the island, and poof, he's gone. The third man says, “Gee, I'm really lonely. I wish the Jews wouldn't start all the wars in the world.”

A waiter brings a restaurant patron a bowl of soup. The patron notices a fly and says, “Hey, there's a fly in my soup.” The waiter replies, “Yes. Unfortunately our chef is Latino.”

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To head into the army recruiting office so he could fight in Iraq. Oh, wait. I told that wrong. I forgot to say the chicken was retarded.

$2 bills are back!

The $2 bill is back and no-one knows why. Banks are ordering more, and mints are printing more. The lowly $2 bill. Experts are really in a quandary why Americans are finally asking for, and using $2 bills. They've been around forever - used mostly in greeting cards from Grandma's. I gave them away to trick or treaters two years ago. The kids went nuts. Why now? The dollar coin flopped. More than once. Strippers. Gotta be strippers. Slipping dollar bills into garter belts no longer cuts it. Inflation demands that those tips for lap dances increase to $2. Nothing makes this stripper transaction easier than the $2 bill. Vending machines have to be next. Many machines already cost more than one dollar - so make the "bill sucker" accept "2's" - and voila - soda and change. On the retail level, workers are apparently "becoming comfortable with "2's." This of course, screws up cash registers with slots for everything but "2's." It looks like our society is opening up to "2's", and this a good thing - because we all know you can't buy jack with a one.

Google in 1999

This IS Google in 1999. All of it. This is the hardware that now OWNS the Internet just 7 years later.


2-Pentium II 300mhz, 512mb, five 9gb drives
2-Pentium II 300mhz, 512mb, four 9gb drives
4-PPC 604 333mhz, 512mb, eight 9gb drives
2-UltraSparc II 200mhz, 256mb, three 9gb drives, six 4gb drives
Disk expansion, eight 9gb drives
Disk expansion, ten 9gb drives

That's a total of:
1792 megabytes of memory
366 gigabytes of disk storage
2933 megahertz in 10 CPUs

Here is Google today.
Just an upgrade or two. Why didn't I think of this?

Pizza Cones. Pizza in a cone.

Remember this exchange from the movie "The Jerk?"

Marie: You live here? Oh, it’s nice. Did you decorate it?
Navin: Yeah, I got all this stuff from the old Cup ‘o Pizza place before they tore it down.
Marie: Good pizza. (the two of them are eating pizza in a cup)
Navin: Oh, this is the best pizza in a cup ever. This guy is unbelievable. He ran the old Cup ‘o Pizza guy out of business. People come from all over to eat this.

We laughed because it was so stupid.

BEHOLD. THE PIZZA CONE.

Two companies are set to battle it out for your Pizza-cone business. KONO PIZZA & CRISPY CONES. KONO is already operational in New Zealand, Kuwait, Spain & Greece. CRISPY just opened in L.A..

I don't know what to think. I haven't eaten one - but I'm not ready to fork over the franchise fee just yet. Someday - maybe soon - this may be the way we eat pizza. It'll surely make eating pizza in the car possible. Maybe that's the inspiration. Grab extra napkins.

Where do you put the extra cheese?

I suggest they smother it in cheese, lettuce, tomato & special sauce. Then wrap it in a soft tortilla with a layer of re-fried beans. Then wrap that in a corn tortilla with a layer of Monterey Jack cheese. Then take a deep fried Gordita shell, smother it in Guacamole and wrap that around the outside. Then bake it in a corn husk filled with salsa. Then wrap it in a Parisian crepe, filled with egg, sausage & portabello mushrooms. Then roll it up in a blueberry pancake, dip it in batter and deep fry it until it's golden brown.

Elections in 4 days and I'm gonna blow!

I have so much on my mind - today - just bullet points.

On Election night, the networks plan to send two representatives each to a "quarantine room." This will be where all the exit polling data will be organized and scrutinized. Blackberry's & cell phones will not be allowed. The data will be released to the TV networks at the same time - so there will be no "Kerry is President" eggs on faces. The networks will be beside themselves waiting to declare that the Democrats have taken control of the House & the Senate. It won't happen - this post is timestamped.

The Simpsons "Tree House of Horror" Halloween episode is Sunday on FOX. Even the Simpsons get political - when they compare a bungled alien attack of Springfield to the U.S.'s invasion of Iraq. Doh!

Speculation today is that gas prices will jump right after the election. A former White House staffer (Clinton admin.) - points to the $32 million donated to Republicans and the $7 million donated to Democrats by the Oil Companies. The Oil Companies will want to recoup that cash after the election. Shit, this is the profit any weekday between 8am & Noon. Doh! - again.

And lastly - A Seattle school bus driver had stopped her bus for a Presidential motorcade to pass. The president waved at the students as he passed. The students waved back. The bus driver gave President Bush "the finger." A Congressman riding with the President contacted the bus company later - and the driver was fired. The only ADULT on the bus set a great example for the young minds on board. The company cites "unprofessional conduct." I'd say.

Down side is - my tax dollars will now go to this twerp - who'll likely retreat to the couch for a few months.

Proof of Media Bias

A new study found that network news coverage has favored Democratic candidates in the midterm election, and the page scandal involving former congressman Mark Foley has been the main story line, drawing almost as much coverage as Iraq and terrorism combined.

The analysis by the Center for Media and Public Affairs of midterm election stories aired on the ABC, CBS and NBC evening newscasts Sept. 5-Oct. 22. It found that 2006's coverage has been almost five times as heavy as in the 2002 midterm elections: 167 stories, compared with 35 four years ago.
The study found that three out of four evaluations of Democratic candidates' chances of winning were positive, compared with one out of eight for Republicans. Coverage has been dominated by two major themes: the effects of the Foley scandal, and the impact the Bush presidency is having on the party's congressional candidates. The Foley scandal produced 59 stories alone, compared with 33 on Iraq and 31 on terrorism/national security issues.

This is the theme of this mid-term election. If you "say it enough" - somebody may believe it. If ever there was legitimate proof of bias in media, this is it.

I for one, don't believe it. Judging from ratings for FOX news vs. CNN & MSNBC, most of America doesn't either.

Trick or Treating for Hot Sauce

I turned into the "crazy house on the street" about 15 years ago. I wanted to mess with the Trick or Treaters minds. Instead of candy, I assembled on a table just inside the door, all of the leftovers from my refrigerator. I had Chinese still in the boxes, Rice Pilaf, green beans, pork & beans, deli meat, cheese & spaghetti. The kids shouted, "Trick or Treat" - and I asked them what they wanted - Spaghetti or Sweet & Sour Chicken? They freaked. Some said, "I'll have the green beans please." I liked those kids.

I did it again the next year. This time with personal hygiene products. "Who wants mouthwash?" "Me - Me - Me!", they said. I remember giving a kid a can of hair spray and him saying, "Thanks Mr. for the hairspray!"

One year it was Hot sauces & Picante sauce. I had cases of the stuff and the kids thought it was great. One year it was salad dressings. "Who wants French?" "Do you have Bleu Cheese?" "Sure kid, do you want dry or creamy Bleu Cheese?" I drop this stuff in the bag or the plastic pumpkin or whatever.

Last year it was $2 bills.

Now, 15 years later, a whole generation of kids have grown up - coming to my house, and they look forward to what ever I'm doing. One thing for sure, they'll remember me and this stupid bit - for the rest of their lives.

This year? The "Halloween Boo-ffet." Hambooogers, Halloweenies & Chicken for the chickens. Kids can dress their sandwiches with blood or mucus (their choice.) I'll drag the Charmglow into the garage and serve over 200 sandwiches.

Next year? I wanna do jewelry. Rings & earrings. I'm dead serious.

Bill Clinton. 400% off retail.

A packed house was expected at Bill Clinton's 60th birthday extravaganza with a private Rolling Stones concert. The price tag: $500,000 per person.

Hillary and Chelsea sent out about 10,000 invitations to Hollywood tycoons, movie stars, captains of industry and Wall Street - with all proceeds to go to the former President's charitable foundation.
Those who pledged the top price were promised the 'Birthday Chair Package', with the best seating for the concert as well as a chance to have photographs taken with Mr Clinton during a round of golf and a three-day series of cocktail, brunch and dinner parties.
The minimum price, with inferior concert seats and no brunch, was set at $60,000, but the Clintons drastically slashed prices to $12,500 for one reception and the concert, or $5,000 for just the Stones. At last possible moment, the Clintons put the tickets on sale to the public for as little as $1,710.
Bill Clinton: Marked down for clearance.

Busch stadium. I'm pissed, and I wasn't even there.

I was upset I couldn't get tickets to a Busch stadium World Series game. I quickly got over it. After all, thousands want tickets too. I've resigned myself to watching the games on FOX. I'm still upset.

What happened last night was bizarre at best. Anyone with half a brain and a radar screen - knew Game 4 was going to be rained out. Yet, FOX insisted "This will pass soon, and we'll get this game in tonight." We were then treated to episode after episode of "The war at Home." The game was the carrot - and FOX held it out there in front of our noses all night. FOX was obviously afraid that if the game had been "called" at 7:30p - (as it should have) - their cume audience would flee elsewhere. FOX throws around alot of weight with MLB. They used their muscle last night and we all suffered. We were all made fools of.

It could've been worse. You might have been at Busch stadium last night. Fans weren't allowed to leave. Thousands, holding that "once in a lifetime" ticket - were told they couldn't exit & re-enter - even if they were back before first pitch.

This left 55,000 people huddled, trying to keep warm for 3 hours (fans are instructed to be in their seats by 6:30.) It's 39 degrees, the only heat in the place is in the suites - (not even the press box is heated) - leaving fans one thing to do - eat or shop. Sweatshirt & Cards jacket sales were through the roof. Fans knew the game was a washout. Busch management put the Weather Service radar image on the scoreboard. 55,000 people knew there would be no game. BUT - fans received calls & text messages from those outside watching FOX. They assured the fans that FOX says the game is on - "it's only a matter of time".

There's more.

Busch officials say if you hold a ticket for the rained out Game 4 - your ticket is now good for Game 5. This means - the thousands who weathered last night, will have to wait until Game 5 - to see Game 4. Huh?

How many people will show at Busch tonight with tickets for Game 4 - and tonight is Game 4 - and be told you'll have to wait until game 5? Thousands? Yep. And what about those WHO DO get inside tonight? There is a 90% chance of rain tonight. Better bring something to read. Something waterproof - that you might be able to burn for heat.

Obama is "Mr. Electable"

Barack Obama on the cover of Time magazine. "Why Barack Obama could be the next President."

I don't see eye to eye with Obama politically on many issues - but the reasons why he'll be a serious contender are clear to see. He's honest. There's something about this man that makes you like him. He has that "X factor." My God this man is electable.

Honest? You bet. Obama, currently on a book tour, was asked by the New Yorker editor, whether or not his admission of drug use in the book would become problematic if he does, if fact, run for President.

Obama said, "I inhaled. That was the point."

The truth will set you free.

Dishtowel beats Hillary Clinton in new poll

George W's approval rating is down. Democrats are foaming at the mouth in anticipation of the mid-term elections. Will Democrats take control of the House & the Senate? We'll know soon enough. The burning question is, who will the Democrats put on the Presidential ballot in 2008?

Hillary Rodham Clintons' name is often batted around as the candidate. But, how "electable" is Hillary - really? She'll bring all the "Clinton baggage" - and it must be said - "the female factor", to the race.

"What if" the election were held tomorrow?

A new poll of adult voters in America's heartland say they'd vote for a DISHTOWEL over Hillary Clinton - for President. Yes, given a ballot of Dishtowel or Hillary - 100% of voters in this new poll would elect the Dishtowel.

The astonishing poll was conducted on the popular "Brian & Kellie Morning Show" broadcast on WNNS-FM in Springfield Illinois.

"We thought we'd get at least one call for the New York Senator", said Kellie Michaels, WNNS morning host & Operations Manager. "Every single call went for the towel."

WNNS host Brian Pierce pointed out, "This is a regular size cotton dishtowel."

Political pundits in the area speculate this news will come as a blow to the Clinton campaign, or that Central Illinois "really loves dishtowels."

Clintons spokesperson was unavailable for comment, as was the Dishtowel.

Fair Weather MLB fan gets "Politically Incorrect"

I am the ultimate "fair weather" baseball fan. I am the "Johnny come lately." I'm the fan at the end of the season when things are going well. I am a St. Louis Cardinals fan.

The number of games they play a season these days is nearly 200. That's nearly 600 hours I just don't have. What I do have is 60 seconds a day to check a sports page, or 15 seconds to catch a score on TV. I'm usually aware where my Cardinals stand. Of the team roster during the season, I could name probably no more than 4. But come playoff time, if my Cardinals are "in it" - look out - Katie bar the door.

Post Season baseball emotionally takes me back to the 60's. When the Cardinals were in the playoffs or the series back then - my elementary school would roll in "the big black & white TV on the cart" - and we'd watch the day games in lieu of schoolwork. Can you imagine? We'd spend all afternoon at our desks cheering Tim McCarver, Mike Shannon, Bob Gibson & Curt Flood.

Now that the Cards are in the World series, my schedule adapts to watch every game. I even tried to get tickets to a game at Busch. I would have happily paid $200 a ticket if they'd been available. I cheer these guys with no guilt that my interest begins only the last week of the season. Yes, I applaud the fans that are there all season long. Without them, my Cardinals wouldn't exist. Hell, I don't even own a Cardinals T-shirt or hat.

I am so naive to the workings of Major league baseball that I have a non politically correct statement to make. Forgive me. Remember, this is from a man that hasn't followed pro baseball religiously for 40 years - What is it with all the Mexicans? Or Puerto Ricans - or whatever all these guys are? Now there are even a few Japanese players. People used to joke that Pro Baseball existed so white guys would have a sport to play. That still might be true, but the rosters seem to be mostly Central American. Yes I remember Roberto Clemente & Matty Alou. I know this infusion began years ago, but it seems to be at a zenith. It's almost as if the sports page should read, St. Louis' Central Americans defeated New Yorks' Central Americans in game one of the World Series.

Do Central American ball players possess more skills? Do they have better vision that allows them to see and therefor hit a 100 mph fastball? Are they say, for example like Nigerian long distance runners?

I've raised 3 boys and I know what's going on. Each and everyone had/has the ability to play baseball well. Each might have been able to make their way to the major leagues. But, all 3 were far more interested in video baseball than the real thing.

I'm queazy from my tax bill

I'm aware it isn't April 15th. I always file for an extension. I paid my tax bill to the Government last night. I was in the driveway of my accountant at 6:30, signing papers on the steering wheel on the way to the Post Office. I got my returns in the box by the 7pm cut-off.

In no way am I bragging about how much money I make. BUT - I pay more in taxes than most in this country make. I ALWAYS owe the Government money at the end of the year. Doing what I do means small checks from a variety of clients throughout the year. This throws my tax bill out of whack, and I end up paying through the nose.

Last night I attached a check to my return that would purchase outright - a pretty good car. It'd pay for a killer vacation or get me a couple giant LCD flat screen TV's. What I might have spent that money on is lost now, but what my Government will DO with that money is giving me a gag reflex.

I often work seven days a week to make that money. I've lost sleep since 1986 doing morning radio shows. I've shaken as many hands and kissed as many babies as any seasoned politician. This money was earned with blood, sweat & tears. I've neglected my family hundreds of times and regret it. My tax money has fallen into the hands of the largest legal money stealing scheme ever - our Government.

Who'll get my money? Politicians will steal it. Bribes will be made. Able-bodied people asleep while I work - will get parts of it. Stupid people. Lazy people. Corrupt people. Sure, some good will come from my donation to the public trough. My money combined with money stolen from you too - will build a road or two. A school or two will be built. A bridge might be made safer. Someone more needy than I - may receive a deserved hand-out. But, by and large, the check I wrote last night will be squandered. We both know it.

I live in a city full of State workers. Many occupy positions that are legitimately necessary. But, every citizen of this city knows someone on the State payroll with a job that isn't necessary. A job they got because they knew someone - a job that just takes up space and pays extremely well. I know this is where some of my tax money flows. Illinois is broke because of out of control spending. Maybe we shouldn't be so quick to write that check.

Like lemmings we pay our taxes with no real accounting of where the money goes. After all these years, I just want to be on the receiving end of some of that cash - instead of financing the mess.

Wal Mart vs. the RIAA

You're gonna like Wal Mart. No matter how you feel about them now - read on - and like them more as you go.

Wal Mart sells CD's of recorded music @ $10 and under. The music companies and the RIAA have complained about Wal Mart to the Feds for years. Wal Mart was accused of "price fixing."
To punish Wal Mart for their behavior, the record companies withheld promotional items. This is why you don't see giant cardboard Britney Spears stand-ups at Wal Mart. You won't see posters of Outkast at Wal Mart. Wal Mart didn't flinch. They see CD's as a "loss leader", meaning they'd rather draw you to their stores with value priced music, and profit from your other sales. Besides, Wal Mart argues it's hard to charge $10 for 50 minutes of music, when most DVD's are $15 and provide over 3 hours of entertainment. Hard to argue.

The record companies have finally conceded that they need Wal Mart more - than Wal Mart needs them. Their own studies indicate that CD sales will fall dramatically if Wal Mart drops their product. This is forcing the record companies to reconsider CD pricing overall. It looks bad when the record store has a CD at $17.99 - and down the street Wal Mart has it for $9.99.

The profiteering in the music business is over. Once and for all - it's over. Musicians will make their money the old fashioned way - at live concerts - and make just cents per CD - like it was in the old days.

PTP computer programs and Wal Mart are to thank. The days of $17,99 for a CD with 2 good songs - are numbered.

Meter maids! I got yer quarter right here!

Several months ago on these pages I sided with some city residents who I believe had their cars unfairly towed from a downtown lot.

No, I wasn't towed. Just the other day I was ticketed 4 times. In the course of 2 hours, I received 4 parking tickets. I was parked at a 30 minute meter. I was working 60 feet from the space, directly facing it through a plate glass window at my downtown broadcast studio. I knew when my time was up - and was prepared to feed the meter 25 cents each time time expired. I made note of the time I arrived, so I could feed the meter at the appropriate time. I was beat to the meter each time by a 20-ish meter maid. She dropped in from no-where literally seconds after each quarter expired. I'd be approaching the meter, to plunk in my quarter, and she's already there - fining me.

I'm not above the law. I am not civilly disobedient. I'm a big boy who knows how parking meters work, and why they're there. But, in this city - no make that town - this is hardly a city - this behavior has to stop. This town is trying to re-build it's downtown on tourism. If this is how our Police dept. chooses to treat me (a Springfield Good-will ambassador) , how will the Dentist from Detroit fare?

Meter maids obviously lying in wait for meters to expire is ridiculous. I paid the tickets. I'll go downtown again. I'll take my quarters and issue this threat. This is a threat to our meter maids. Treat me this way again, I'll get your name, and introduce a character to the show. This person will eat their boogers, fart & drool. They'll be dumber than a doorstop - and smell like Hogans goat. They will have the same name as you.