Cartoon Character Spokespeople

It's bad enough human spokespeople are being beat out for paying commercial gigs by cartoon characters - now they're getting gross. Here's why this is on my mind.

Forbes magazine just released their list of AMERICA'S FAVORITE SPOKES-CREATURES. The walking & talking M & M's won. The Pillsbury Doughboy was second and the AFLAC duck was third. The list rounds out with the usual suspects - Tony the Tiger, Chester Cheetah, Snap, Crackle & Pop, The Energizer Bunny & The Trix Rabbit. OK - I buy the list. It was generated from "Q" scores - basically a "likeability index" generated from consumer polls. But today's "Spokescreatures" are getting wierd.

Ever see the chocolate chip cookies with eyes and little arms? Gross. I imagine eating their eyeballs each time I eat a cookie. Is this the image the company wants to convey? I doubt it - I bet they want me to concentrate on eating the talking cookies body, but I'm thinking about picking the little arms & legs out of my teeth. The cookies even have little mouths with teeth. Will the little cookie teeth crunch as I chew the cookies? Of course they will. I'll buy the cookies that don't don't have legs.

Have you seen Polyp Man? He's a man in a red Polyp suit encouraging me to get a colon screening. He's a frigging walking talking polyp! If I have him "removed" from my colon - will it be murder? Will I have to put him up in a Hotel because I displaced him from my colon? You get the idea.


Then there's Digger the Dermatophyte. He's living under my toenail. He has little jackhammers digging away at my toenails from the inside. If I take Lamisil he'll apparently die.

My new favorite is Mr. Mucus. He's in my throat and if I take an expectorant he'll be whisked away. He has his whole family with him and in the commercial they have suitcases. I guess they weren't planning on staying long in my throat because I'm gonna cough him up.

This is the way it's going. Talking boogers have to be next. I've already seen talking poop on Southpark. How about talking infections? Band Aid could do a campaign with little talking scabs. Good Lord. Where is Toucan Sam? Sugar Bear where are you? If Charmin toilet paper were to begin a new campaign - there'd be no Mr. Whipple. There'd be toilet paper with eyes looking up at me from a most unflattering angle.