Treating Superbowl Erections

The Superbowl commercials this year will be boring. Don't expect much. They'll cost advertisers "out the nose" - $2.6 million for 60 seconds. ABC Television retains "creative control." Huh? The spots are being "auditioned" by ABC executives right now. They want to be sure no one is offended. Past broadcasts messed it up for everybody. A farting horse. A crotch biting dog. A half time nipple - and who can forget the first time they heard, "If erection lasts more than three hours, call your Doctor." These commercials have become bigger than the game. As a media guy - I understand the significance of Superbowl Sunday. More than any other day - it's a day collectively - we as a country - do the exact same thing. We eat, drink & watch TV all day. More times than not the game stinks. We count on the commercials to entertain us. What about half-time? Gimme a break. The Rolling Stones combined are 246 years old. Last year an Internet company called GODADDY.COM ran one spot. They sell internet domains. Their ads featured a buxom woman - and were 'goofy" at best. BUT, the ads worked and the startup company thrives still. They want to do it again. They produced a spot and sent it to ABC to air. ABC reviewed it and sent it back. It had to be revised. GODADDY did - and sent it back. It was returned again for revisions. This commercial has now been edited and re-shot NINE times - and ABC has yet to approve it for broadcast. This is political correctness plain & simple. It's hard to argue that broadcasting as a rule hasn't gone too far. It has. It had to be reeled back a bit. If I had a three hour erection - I'd read the bottle - I didn't have to hear it on TV. (And as Seinfeld said: "What was the Doctor gonna do anyway? I don't want to know!")

Look for the TV commercials this year to be watered down, re-edited nine times, re-written, re-shot & sanitized. I just wonder who at ABC is in on the "approval meetings" and where they've drawn the PC line? I bet Jimmy Kimmel isn't on the panel. The Desperate Housewives aren't being consulted. Neither are the casts of One life to Live, All My Children or General Hospital. They have sex on ABC everyday - and the cast of General Hospital has a waiting room full of erections.